~xIu~

Consequences

2012-02-18T21:37:00.001+08:00

Have you fucking given a thought to the dire consequences your actions will have? Now coz labour percent is unable to meet and you asked us to manage and then step in and fucking tell me to use only 200 hours only. And today came in and told all my crew to go home. Then when the day your sales picks up. What makes you so sure the crew will still be around to help you capture the sales?

Labour percent don't meet means either overspending on crew hours or that coz sales is not coming in. So fucking use your brain. Now I have sales and you ask my crew to go home. Who do you think you are? Fucking president? Or a octopus? You can't fucking run 2 stations at the same time and is of such low productivity. How dare you ask my crew to go home?

People are with us coz they need the cash. If they don't then why are they still with us?

Sometimes juz fucking use your brain will you.

... ...

I am not ok. 我快要垮了.

Crisis

2012-02-18T00:41:00.003+08:00

and it has to come to this. this crisis that we are facing now will determine the strength of my team and the heart of each.

there are people who are saying that the company sucks. that people will leave coz of what's happening. and that makes me question their integrity. sure you are frustrated at the stage that we have reached and even more pissed at the phase we need to go through. but after being in the system for so many years and yet you can't understand what's happening. then what for are you still here? i will not allow anyone to influence the team to lose the focus or become negative. and trust me when i say i'll be than happy to put you on unpaid leave till this crisis tides over. i will do whatever it takes. either you are with me or against me. it's this simple.

... ...

what started out to be an innocently happy day ended up as such. sometimes it really takes a crisis to bring out the ugly side of humans. and through this i'm sure i'll truly know who is with me. you guys only think of yourselves and how situations will benefit you. so who have ever thought for me? i'm the one who has to call my crew and explain to them all that is happening and pray they understand. i'm the one that has to face all my managers and act like this is something that happens every other day.

i am this close to breaking down coz of this stupid crisis. and all i wish for is someone to sweep me away to somewhere quiet and sit next to me while i stare into space and let all these emotions roll out. i feel useless. and helpless.

what wouldn't i give to sit by wcp or cck park or the bbq pit near my house right now and let everything roll out. but that person? out of the system please. i need an outsider to put me back into perspective.

=edited=
i need a hug.

Drinking

2012-02-17T22:00:00.001+08:00

A place you may like even if it's a bit crowded. Sometimes a tad rowdy and full. But a good place for a chill. Especially on a weekday where there's lesser crowd. It's the ambience I guess.

Ever some ah pang introduced me here. It's been a place I come quite often. But today is one of the rare times I'm drinking so much. Especially with my baby bro.

Then he drank too fast now dozing off while I'm still enjoying the drink. The breeze. The music. The ambience.

I know you don't really drink. But hey. When you're in the vicinity. It's worth a drop in.

Overtime. At holland v. *heartz*

爱

2012-02-16T23:51:00.001+08:00

爱的越深，伤得越深。

当你碰到那一个他，不在乎时间的长短，一旦爱上了，真的那么容易说放手吗？你们不需要有一个永远讲不完的话题，不需要每天见面。只需默默地留在你身边，无论路有多难走，你们还是会一直走下去。

当你认定了他，他却离开了。真的会有第二次机会再相遇吗？

一直没放开过你，我真的那么笨吗？

Time flies

2012-02-16T06:38:00.001+08:00

Meeting *d for breakfast before my meeting starts. And coz he's not here yet. My mind started wandering.

The last time I sat in this corner of the hawker was like 31/2 years ago or so. After my overnight shift and we met for breakfast. I remember that you forgot to put in your cashcard as you were passing through the ERP to here. And that you ordered enough food to feed 4 person. And as usual you brought your New Paper along and I remember that we sat for quite long here before you sent me back home. Couldn't remember if we slacked and watched a movie after but yeah.

Time does flies and much had happened between then and now. It's part of reminiscing the good old times and then looking forward to a new future once again.

Changes happen for a reason. And with every change one is taught to learn and grow from it.

... ...

Feeling super sleepy coz was out almost whole day yest. And ended up drinking.. Oops! XD

轰轰烈烈

2012-02-15T01:43:00.001+08:00

轰轰烈烈的爱情。

你是我想有那一段感情的人，但我们真的有些遥远。不管我多么的想你，我知道我们是不可能的。但我却放不下你。

感觉有那么容易说放就放的吗？

Happy Valentine's Day

2012-02-14T00:14:00.001+08:00

1 year ago we were msging and talking quite often. 1 year later and so much has changed.

I remembered the time when you promised to buy me flowers. Which you did.
I remembered the time when you made me promise to call you so that you can pick me up if the other person wasn't sending me over.
I remembered the time we met after my shift for breakfast.
I remembered many things.

But none are important now. *y and *j. Thank you for wishing me happy valentine's day. =)

I wish like a kid I'll get flowers today again. But nahz. I think too much. Gonna sleep now. Happy Valentine's Day people. *heartz*

Sacrifice

2012-02-12T23:36:00.001+08:00

And once again coz of work I sacrificed my time with my family. And once again I questioned the smartness of my decision.

I was working opening today. Supposed to handover at 2pm so that I could do my stuff and all. In the end the mgr called to say she taking urgent leave. WTF. Initially my plan was meeting my bro for dinner. Guess what? I can't meet him and I have no dinner till now.

True. No doubt I could call for attachment for today. But who can spare? And who will wanna work such a late shift when tmr's meeting's at 8.30am at WCP? So I cover lo.

Then I started thinking. Why should I sacrifice so much for work? Izzit worth it? I've been asking myself this question more and more recently. And I've no answer to it. Where would all the sacrifice get me to in the end? Or rather. What would I get in the end?

I remembered the last time I posted something similar to this I had a reply from *w. Why should I work so hard when I don't feel appreciated and when I know the company won't thank me for it? I feel so sick.

Sick knowing that next month is gonna be hell. Sick knowing that I juz sacrificed my family time working.

Izzit all worth it? Again and again and again and again I ask myself. But do I get any answers? No. Or at least not yet.

Maybe one day. When I had enough. That's the day I'll call it quits.

=edited=
And this morning on the way to work I had another thought. If things do happen and feelings do change. Will I be willing to migrate overseas and give up everything I have here? Will I be able to give up on my rock? My family?

The best part? Not coz I love the person enough to move. But coz that person loves me enough for me to move.

Will I give up my feelings and move on to another person who loves me more than I do him? Will it be possible? Or is this juz a selfish thought?

=edited edited=
And as I age. Family time seems so much more important. Outweighing everything else. Especially when my dad's condition's deteriorating day by day. When ailments have caught up with my mum. When my bro will be all I have left.

Honestly? I'm scared. Scared of the day that someone close to me will e gone in a swift. That I'll really be left all alone. That there's no regretting the times I could have spent with them. That I'll juz become an empty shell and refuse to move on.

When that day comes. I dread it.

Promotions

2012-02-10T06:54:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I really don't understand myself at all. I'm like the only one developing my people and going them up for greener pastures out there.

First the support to open Jcube. Then now an upcoming promotion. And perhaps movement for 1 to another higher profile store. 1 BL promoted to TM already. 3 CLs in the pipeline to be TMs within the next 3 months. Am I like giving birth or what?

And people can be choosy about who they want or not want. What about me?

This month is barely survivable. Next month is going to be hell. Gonna be running 1 + 1 + 3. With 2 babies and most likely another 1. Sighz. We'll see. If Hawa can do it. So can I.

Valentine's day

2012-02-09T01:47:00.001+08:00

Traveling overseas with people out of my store is also wrong? Sometimes I really don't understand you guys. So you're telling me I can't meet my friends after work? That I should not even have friends at work? Then why work? And think about it. I am still immatured sometimes. I admit. But gimme a break will you? I'm 25 for god's sake. How matured do you want me to be? There are bound to be times that my emotions will get the better of me. And I'm already trying to hold it all back. But have none of you realized that? And who can I go to when I breakdown? 2012 is the start of a new year yet you doubt me. That I'm the one influencing his decision. Please la. Even though cafe is my passion too. I'm not that stupid to ruin someone's future like that. If you still doubt me. I really have nothing more to say.

I really don't understand what's the point of fb sometimes. Isn't it juz a social networking platform for you to vent and random mumble through? Then why should you read so much into it? Most of the times the stuff I posts are personal related. I'm not that dumb to post unhappy work stuff after that 'I QUIT!!!' post. Yet you guys can read so differently. Might as well deactivate my account right? It's my avenue to share my photos with friends and my thoughts. Yet I get criticized. Might as well not post or become a silent stalker.

Sighz. I don't know how much more of this crap I can take. =X

Then there's earthquakes in Cebu. I hope nothing serious will happen. *prayz*

And again another year has passed. Valentine's Day is coming. But funnily. I no longer have any feelings for it. Maybe I don't have the heart to love anymore? Maybe there's no one worth it anymore? Maybe that someone has already slipped passed? Maybe I'm meant to be alone till old age?

In a confused state of mind. Coz somehow you still matters to me. Unknowingly for the past 3 years or so. You've always been living in that one corner of my heart. How can I get you to shift out? I know for sure now coz of the much less frequency of contact things are getting better. But.

Sleepy. Time for bed. Juz finished my PnL projections. Good nightz world.

Caught off guard

2012-02-08T22:18:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I wonder. When will I seriously stop be reminded about the past. And to stop wondering what could have been or might have been.

2012-02-06T01:18:00.002+08:00

a super short post coz i am damn sleepy. but have to do this before my next trip tmr night. or rather late tonight. =)

watched this with bro yesterday. besides the plot and the twist at the end. if you'd watched the front 2. watch this! damn good!

and caught this with *j juz now after the run. predictable plot but a fun family kinda show.

gonna sleep soon! super shagged! =(

Missing you

2012-02-05T01:30:00.001+08:00

Youaretheonlypersoniwouldtypelikethatfor. Imissyou.

Childish

2012-02-04T00:42:00.001+08:00

Was selectively reading a few of my old posts and chances about a couple which were so immatured and way childish.

Almost 2 years ago. I was thinking of settling down. Looking at flats. Thinking of getting a car. Of wedding venues an guests list. And of a honeymoon location. Reading back my posts now I realized how childish and naive I was.

What I wanted back then was to settle down and have someone there at the end of the day for me. But when that relationship ended and I went into another one. It got me thinking.

And 1 year plus since my last relationship. I didn't have the notion of settling down already. Probably I haven't met the right guy. Probably I've met him but the chance has slipped past. Probably I'll end up all alone the rest of my life.

No doubt I still want someone to be there for me. But not everyday. Once in a while. Every other day. A meet up. A call. A text. That'll be good enough. Coz having routine really freaks me out.

Ah well. When the day comes it'll come. When it doesn't no point looking so hard. Shall treasure the time the me-time that I can still have while I can. Without having to report to anyone at all.

Silly me. Silly thoughts.

Time for bed. Early and long day tmr.. TatA world! =)

2012-02-02T22:16:00.002+08:00

went and caught midnight in paris after the crm meeting few days back. another movie that was nominated as best picture in the upcoming oscars. and yeah. it's a show that was whimsical with a hint of nostalgia. a piece on time travel and paris in the 20s. i wasn't all too familiar with the characters that were thrown into the movie besides salvador dali. ernest hemmingway. pablo piccaso. but it was a fine arty farty film.

a film that showed gorgeous scenery from around paris. of how every midnight a little adventure happens and how in the end we all want to live in the 'golden age'. and how every one in the 'golden age' wants to live in another 'golden age'. a film with brains and intellectual. and much enjoyable when you juz sit and let the film suck you in. what started out boring and kinda dry ended a bit too abrupt for my liking though. but all in all a good film to lose yourself in.

but to you: i don't think this is your kinda show. probably you can skip it.. but then your fav actress's in it... hmmmz..

Reality

2012-01-31T23:24:00.001+08:00

It's been a great start to the year. First before CNY Glenn swept all the awards in LWS and told me during my trip. And I remembered cursing and swearing in the room coz I was so so happy and so so proud.

And to end off Jan. Chili got the Gold Standard. Lancy got the Barista Idol. Yi Chin Outstanding Barista Leader. West Zone Most Engaging Zone. CM Best Overall McCafe 2011. And both my MS this month were good. Now only left my CE and GC efficiency.

But reality bites.

After getting that highest honour. It's time to prepare that people will pop by unannounced. And maintaining this standard is the toughest.

It's been a whirlwind of a day. With me cabbing down to Cine coz I was so afraid I'll miss the movie if I bus down from KAP.

And sometimes. I guess I really am stubborn. Juz coz of a sentence someone posted. An event I was supposed to go I put myself not attending. Then that person called me to ask where I was and why was I not there. Well. In the first place you already said it so clear. Then why should I go? I'd rather spend time alone! And furthermore both of them were there. It doesn't mean that coz I've moved on I can stand being in the same room as both of them. One or the other's fine. I can respond. Both together? You might as well plunge a knife through and through.

Been spending more and more me time these days. Probably a good change. And after my upcoming trip. It'll be time to date *p out for some badminton and *j for more sporty stuff. =)

2012-01-31T02:24:00.002+08:00

the one and only reason i am still awake at this point in time? coz i want to upload the pics of the mccafe star awards 2011! =) it's come to an end. and a beautiful ending it was. 真的是为生为死为了人.

chili: congrats on your Gold Standard award!

lancy: congrats on your barista idol award!

yi chin: congrats on your outstanding barista leader award!

west zone: congrats on your most engaging zone award!

and lastly. baby CM.

congrats on being the overall best mccafe for 2011! i love you to bits! *heartz*

i love the bear. i love the award. so much hard work. so much tears. so much nagging. so much pain. and it's all worth it. totally.

i so wanted to share the news with you. but i can't face any rejection. and i don't think you'll even care.

no one knows how much this award means to me. that it's a prove that i can do it. that WE can do it. that being new doesn't mean i can't do a lot of things. and the 1 thing that this award has spurred me on to do? i want that award for myself by the end of 2012. if i can do it on a small scale. why not a bigger scale? if all goes according to their plan. i only have this year to chiong for what i want. that other award. and that i only have this year to 'play' in mccafe. and when next year begins it's a whole new story.

maybe i don't wanna go for the UAP degree and study any more.

there's no motivation at the end of it all. unless there's that one that i want.

been a long day. gonna sleep hugging the awards before the alcohol kicks in completely. good night loves! =)

2012-01-30T02:01:00.004+08:00

and so i went and caught 2 movies on my own today. juz coz they were nominated for the oscars i wanted to see for myself how good they really were.

1st one was the descendants with george clooney. a show about love. loss and betrayal. of how people due with loss and betrayal. of how family ties do last. no matter how much you may hate each other to the guts. and yeah. the view of hawaii was beautiful. i can still recall the scene when they stood on the hilltop and look down the sea. the scene of the house that has that beautiful grounds and tree juz right in front. a place i could lose myself in all over again. =) worth the watch.

my week with marilyn followed juz 45 mins later. and this is more of a arthouse film. even the audience were mainly ang mohs and in the age group of late 30s to 40s? but i was transported to a set that was set like back in the 60s? old school charm. and michelle williams brought marilyn alive for me. i never was a fan of marilyn. but it was an insight to someone that was that famous. beautiful scenery as well. of the countryside and an old world charm. *heartz*

then went over to holland v coz i was craving for crystal jade and sat down doing my schedule and completed it before coming back. now back was juz to send the email out. =)

... ...

took a cab home and was chatting with the uncle and he was saying it was his first time picking up a lone passenger from holland v coz usually people leaves in packs. hahaha. then i told him i was alone the whole day and he seemed super surprised. well. i wasn't dressed to kill. i was juz trying to spend some time alone with my thoughts. =)

... ...

it's interesting how distance apart changes people. and how much my thinking has changed. it's only been a week odd since i came back from my trip but i've fallen back into my usual routine already. faster than i ever had. maybe it was the wifi there that kept me grounded. and with this fall into the usual routine. a lot of thoughts have been running through my head and a lot of emotions pushed far back. ... ... or maybe they weren't even there to start with?

it's interesting how late at night thoughts wander and i had supper with alien that day after work and we were catching up. of how things have changed. of how feelings have faded. and of how i had forgiven and moved on. i refuse to go into contact with some certain people as much as i want to. reason coz i don't wanna get myself into another mess that i had to crawl out from. some people are best forgotten. some are best forgiven. and others are best as friends (as long as both knows and have clarified all things).

seriously. i don't want feb 2013 to come now i guess. coz i juz want to leave it as that. i do believe that time and distance can cause people to drift apart and selfishly. i'm praying hard that that's the case. i am happy where i am now. single. no commitments. leaving when i like. coming when i please. i haven't felt at peace with myself for so very long.

i used to think about this person and that person and whoever that catches my attention. yet with every month that pass. every year i step into. i think and react differently. yes. it's nice when there's someone there at the end of the day. but when there's no one you juz have to be strong and move on. time doesn't wait. come and think about it. i'm gonna hit the big 3-0 in another 4 years' time. 说长不长，说短不短. 4 years and a hell lot of things can happen. it's barely a month into 2012 and things have been happening. i don't know if i should be happy that my life's so fulfilling or cry coz there's still no one on the horizon.

truly? i think i really have locked it too hard. all the memories. all the what-ifs. of course it's all juz a silly dream and no one else comes close. but all dreams will burst one day won't they? do i want that day to come? i am still in denial. am i not?

a series of questions. but no answers.

a series of thoughts. but going nowhere.

why do i keep reminiscing. hmmmz. maybe coz i didn't drink? hahaha. maybe this's all juz a dream.

'can we pretend that airplanes

in the night sky are like shooting stars?

i could really use a wish right now

wish right now wish right now'

but then what i wish for? for things to start afresh? for me not to make those silly mistakes? for me to hold on tight?

i guess no matter what i wish for nothing would happen. things will juz stay the way they are. and i should be happy the way it is i guess. ah well.

time for bed. another super long day tmr. tatA.

=i loved you. and i guess i still love you?= random-ness. =)

The arts

2012-01-28T21:33:00.001+08:00

Gonna think of some way to catch those 2 movies tmr night and 1 more on tues. =P then there's an art exhibition I wanna go too. Hmmmz.

Schedule's gonna be packed! Let's see.

Tonight overnight. Tmr I wanna catch those 2 movies. Mon cafe star awards. Tues after meeting wanna go catch the other movie and see if I can squeeze in the art exhibition. Wed to Sat working. Sun is my zoo safari run! =D Mon reunion dinner with my ex cck4 team after work. And the Tues and Wed is a short trip to KL for the McCafe and maybe some pin shopping? =P

Random random I know! =D

难道这一切真的只是我的回忆吗? Have I really locked you so deep in my heart that no one else ever comes close?

You again

2012-01-25T22:59:00.001+08:00

Have been chatting with *n everyday since I'm back and sadly somehow. I've waking up as per my travel time. 4 or 5am daily. Hmmmz. When can I get back to my normal sleeping habits? Sighz.

I thought I knew what I wanted when I was in Cebu.
I thought I knew what I wanted to let go when I was back home.
I thought I knew myself and my heart well enough.
I thought I knew that I really wanted Feb 2013 to come fast.
I thought I knew how to survive till then.

But when some thing happened. I guessed it threw me off my guard. I didn't know how I was to react. How I was to response. If the response would suffice.

Then I started thinking twice.

Do I really want Feb 2013 to come? Do I really?

In a way. Subconsciously. No. I don't I'm ready to let go totally yet. I've still much to achieve this year. And coz now of my brazil 2014 goal. I don't know if I should take up the degree when the applications open. Hmmmz.

Guess I'll think about it only when it happens ba.. =)

2012-01-20T04:40:00.006+08:00

i never did manage to catch a sunrise coz i usually wake up after the sun is up. =P and a sunset? always in a moving vehicle. but this. this was one of the most beautiful sunset that i've seen in a long time. and i love the expansiveness of it all. and yes. all photos i took are uploaded without ever photoshopping. i enjoy seeing the originality of it. =)

my attempt when being coerced into drinking red horse by the bottles on my 3rd night in cebu. i had friends who told me it was like having a horse kicking you in the mouth. and that explains my fear in trying. no? in the end i took a sip. and i fell in love straight away. *heartz* it was like what *n said. drinking water. no kick. no pain. and i easily down 2 on that night followed by another tanduay ice. =) and i had red horse another couple of times when i was in cebu. together with my first shot of tequila neat. and like what danilo told me. what i missed wasn't the beer. it was the company i was with whom i bonded with over that period of drinking. and yes. that's true. i can get red horse at certain niche areas in singapore. but i'm not going to be able to find *n out for a drink whenever i want to.

in bantayan island was where i experienced the joy of being a pillion again. and yes. it's 3 on a bike. without helmets again. i've always loved being a pillion. and the last time i sat on one. i think it's ah pang's super 4. he picked me up from the office and i remember seeing nick and his gang standing outside smoking and the way he looked at me was like 'huh? you know how to get up a bike?' heyz come on. it doesn't take a genius to figure how to be juz a pillion does it? i've alwayz loved the breeze on my face. loved the closeness of the scenery. and most of all. the closeness to the rider.

and we island hopped to the virgin island that was privately owned and spent a great deal of a morning there chilling. he drank with the guys and i juz sat aside and let my thoughts wonder. it's been the best beach i've ever been to. every single photo i took. it's all postcard perfect. and it's been my happiest in a long time. nothing beats putting me at a beach with powdery white sand. clear waters and a sun that beats down rentlessly. i love my beach. and i've alwayz been a water baby. that i know for sure.

this is why i wanna extend till forever. why i left my heart in cebu. in the beauty of bantayan islands.

and *n. salamat. without you being my guide for the 8 days. as my chef. my drinking buddy. my translator. and for the things you did. salamat. it all meant a lot to me.

no matter how much i enjoyed a country. a trip. i have never cried as i was leaving. but this time. this time was different.

i seemed to have lost my nerves of steel. my stone cold heart seems to have been thwarted by the warmth of the place. the people. i cried on my last night in *n's house. i cried on my last night in bantayan island. i cried as i was boarding the plane. coz there's so much that i'll miss.

there wasn't gonna be a perfect sunset for me. not after witnessing the beauty of philippines.

there wasn't gonna be a perfect drinking session for me. not after leaving *n and coming home.

there wasn't gonna be a perfect beach. let alone perfect destination. not after the virgin islands.

there wasn't gonna be a perfect night. not after the nights i spent in cebu.

there wasn't gonna be anymore perfect. and i want nothing short of perfect.

we made a pact. that if all goes according to plan. we'll meet 3 years later. in alaska. after my brazil. after he settles his work. and maybe by then a clearer decision would have been reached.

maybe by then the distance of 1510 miles would not matter anymore. maybe by then garaygay would not be this hard for me to pronounce. maybe by then. everything would have changed.

Let go

2012-01-19T12:48:00.001+08:00

傻傻的我. 我真的能放下你吗?

I would love to put down the rock that's been holding me back for the longest time ever. But do I want to? Am I willing to give up everything and delete you from my life completely?

I travelled half a continent and found something so genuine. So pure. Yet I told myself. I'm still not ready for a relationship. As long this rock is not put down there's no way that I can accept another person coming into my life.

It's gonna break my heart leaving this place. I'm gonna leave my half my heart here. And when it's time for me to visit again 3 years later. It should be Alaska then. That's the promise. Whether it'll come true will be another thing.

Another 11 hours and I'll back in Singapore. Back to reality. *heart breakz*

God!

2012-01-15T01:18:00.001+08:00

God! This CANNOT be happening!!! I hate the alcohol in me! =/

... ...

Do I? Really?

=edited=
Screwed. Waaaay screwed.

And I'm still wide awake. Damn.

=edited edited=
A fitful sleep. I was kept thinking and replaying the event in my head.

Again. Screwed. Way screwed. =/

Slacking

2012-01-14T23:10:00.001+08:00

Drinking now while surfing the net and tv. Hahaha. Am I high? Nahz. Not yet. =P but itchy itchy! I have sweet sweet blood! So many mosquitoes.. =/

Super enjoying this trip thus far. Definitely. =D good food. Rest. Sleeping for 10h and more daily. XD piggy me! XD

Anyways. Been eating all the Pinoy food and street food and some western. Drinking yest and today. =P

Tmr will be Sinulog. Long day out! Festival and fun! XD more photo taking! XD mon will be rest day. Tues and Wed heading out to Bantanyan islands for overnight stay and probably some island hopping too. =D then thurs back in Cebu and then heading home already. Sighz.

8 days will pass so fast! =(

Going back and then it'll be work on fri for that few hours. Then sun closing shift. Sat mon and tue I'll be off! XD

Fuck buddy

2012-01-14T19:02:00.001+08:00

Here in Cebu and enjoying myself touring the city. Drinking. Eating. Now having a short day resting at Gino's place. Tmr will be a long day in Cebu with the Sinulog festival ongoing! XD

Was drinking yesterday and was randomly thinking about the past few movies I've been watching and thinking about the term fuck buddy.

So what does that actually mean? Izzit possible to have a fuck buddy without any emotions tied to it? Hmmmz. I know I know. Super random. Super un-doable. Hahaha.

Anyways. Gonna enjoy the tv while I can now! Gonna turn in early later for an early start tmr! XD I think... If there's no red horse that is! XD

Airport

2012-01-11T22:04:00.001+08:00

Sitting here at the budget terminal once again reminded me juz how long ago I was here. Was with line on the trip to hk and macau. =)

Again traveling alone and Gino's gonna be picking me up later. =) flight's at midnight so I'll check in at 11pm ba. Coz the queue's super long now. lll-.- and at budget terminal there's nothing much you can do ba. Nothing to see also.

And so I plopped myself in Mac with a fries. Hot tea with maple syrup. And of course a book. No papers unlike the old times. =)

Another 2 books in my luggage coz Gino's gonna bring me island hopping and I foresee a lot of me time. =) told my mum I may come back with a scuba diving license if possible. Let's see how it goes ba. =)

4th trip alone. 1st was to luang prabang to meet Sir Liang. 2nd to bintan meeting no one. 3rd to malacca meeting no one. 4th to cebu meeting Gino. =)

And as the norm. No one to send me off. =)

Time to get back to my book! =D

*i love my travel bug*

*her

2012-01-10T00:17:00.001+08:00

To you: happy birthday.

It's been 5 years since that last conversation we had. 5 years since that 'bedtime story'. 5 years since you decided to step out of my life without a goodbye. 5 years since I last wished you happy birthday.

I hope you are happy now. I hope you've walked out of the darkness. I hope that you've never looked back since.

Yet I wish you remembered the dream of New York City at Christmas. Of that ice skating rink. Of how everything would come a complete circle then.

I still miss you sometimes. I guess more time would be needed to forget you.

But you. You'll always be the one I spent 6 years thinking of day and night. And it's gonna take at least double that number of years for me to forget you.

What wouldn't I give for a chance I would never have again.

犯贱

2012-01-09T23:43:00.001+08:00

原来我也有那么犯贱的一刻.

Whenever I was treated like 宝. I never did appreciate it. Yet when the other party 忽冷忽热. I fall in head over heels. I didn't seem to quite realize this. Until the conversation over dinner juz now. Of how contracditing I was to myself.

On one hand. I can't wait to settle down and be in a stable relationship. On the other hand. I dread the thought of having to face the same person day in and day out for the next 60 years. That thought freaks me out totally.

I was this close to msging *him to ask him out for supper. Why? I don't know either. 贱 rightz?? Sighz. Probably heng I didn't.

And then I heard about another married couple where the guy is going take another of my friend as a second wife. Best part? I know all 3 of them. Married couple's Malay. The second wife a Chinese. Gosh. Will it come true? I don't know.

I saw a couple of super 4s by the pavement juz now and I juz got reminded of you and you. Hmmmz. It's been almost a year and more for the other. Yet...?

*he msg me that day. After he saw the photo of my burnt hand. A happy moment I would think. And again I would say. 犯贱.

Breakups

2012-01-09T00:04:00.001+08:00

Interesting how a post can make one starts to wonder.

It was only till the end of last year on new year's eve that I thought back to my 2011. And how I survives through it alone. Yes. No doubt there are friends and family around. But for the longest time since after *g. This's the next longer I've been alone without having much on my mind. I wondered how I could have done it and am still wondering. Probably work has been really keeping me busy and prevented me from thinking. Only during me-times like these at night do my mind start wondering. And probably the book I'm reading's not helping. =P

But anyways. My mummy was quite random over lunch juz now. She asked me to buy a calling card in Cebu and call her. lll-.- first time ever in my life that I'm travelling and she says this. Hmmmz. Worried that I may get kidnapped or come back with surprising news? =P

Nahz. I'm a good girl. Going over to meet Gino for Sinulog and will be back for CNY. A tad rush. But I do need this break. I survive on holidays. =P and this's the longest I'll be away. 8 days. And in the same place.

Maybe when I'm there I'll be able to think straight. Feel straight. And let go of whatever unhappiness I may be holding on now. =)

Random post as usual. And time for bed. These 3 days of off have been fully utilized for me-time and work. Yes yes. I know working on off days are unhealthy. But I don't have a choice ah. I'll manage from here la.

And as much as I would love to think that time heals all wounds and 1 year would have been long enough for the healing. ... ... I think I need more time. Hmmmz.

=edited=
I think I very jian also. People keep texting me I find it irritating. As in. A person I used to crush on. Yet when the person don't text me I curse and swear at the person.

Sighz.

How to be in a relationship like this? Never ready! XD

2012-01-08T10:48:00.002+08:00

the preview of this looked awesome and intriguing. so went with *j to watch. i like the effects in the show. predictable storyline. but the one thing that screws it up? the ending. like wtf? sighz.

been taking rockets and jet planes and first class aeroplanes this few days. =) but super proud of what i can achieve if i do put my mind and heart to it. =D

counting down to the trip! 4 days more!! XD

Selfish

2012-01-06T03:25:00.001+08:00

I wonder if I did the right thing.
I wonder if my train of thought is right.
I wonder if my planning will work out as planned.
I wonder if I can hold this focus and momentum for the year.
I wonder if I can prove everyone juz how wrong they are about my store.

Stop wondering Yixiu. Make a plan. Execute. Follow up.

If you fail to plan. You plan to fail.

No more failures this year. I will prove all of you wrong.

2012-01-04T23:30:00.003+08:00

hmmmz. so my heart is telling me to go brazil in 2014! =D

have been having weird dreams about work and stuff these 2 nights. hmmmz. made me think think think. and so i've really decided to work differently. no more procrastination! =)

and then there was that weird dream that past week that left me confused and disturbed when woken. but then i guess all of it was answered. so yeah. i'm happy! =) no more reading between the lines. my life can only get better. and i'll do juz fine. =) encouraging interpretation of a dream! XD

read this off jason's fb and i thought it made sense. so yeah. being up at this time trying to clear up my stuff means being bad to my body! ="(

and i've finally set my resolutions to myself this year:

1) take good care of my body.

2) spend more time with my family and myself. =P

3) exercise more.

4) manage store differently.

5) save money for brazil 2014!! XD

so far so good ba. =) i'll jiayou and by doing that. i'll start with getting sufficient rest each day and be good to myself. time to sleep! the medication is kicking in again! XD tatA world!

Cough cough cough

2012-01-02T21:17:00.001+08:00

Cough die me le la. From dry cough I drink too much liang teh till I'm having wet cough le. Gonna have some abs soon! XD

Haven't been so sick in so long. And again I refuse to see a doc. =P the last time someone managed to persuade me to see a doc was like how many years back? =P and that was coz that fellow accompanied me to see the doc ma. *heartz*

March's coming soon. 2 more months and it's time to go back for my check up at NUH again le. I wonder if the 'friends' are till there. Recently felt a bit of pain. But still not too bad. =/ I pray that either they have disappeared or grown smaller or worse come to worse. Don't grow any bigger. Me no want surgery yeah?

Kk. Knocked out in the bus juz now. Time to get my ass to bed already. Overnight on new year's eve was hell. Left store on new year's day afternoon. And was back in the evening to clear up some inventory monthend stuff. Sighz. So so sleepy! Then today was morning shift again. Okok. Don't nag kk. I know I'm overworking myself again. Especially when I know I'm sick. How I wish I could sleep in the whole day. Tmr another long day. Sighz.

Countdown: 10 days more to go! *looking super forward* 8 days of peace and me-time! =D Gino's gonna accompany me throughout the 8 days! Yeah! Waterfalls on the first day I reach! XD

Happy new year

2012-01-01T22:37:00.001+08:00

Happy new year! *in that hoarse and sexy voice of mine* =D

Time for bed after a long overnight shift yesterday trying to clear the stuff. =) the dry cough has now officially become a wet cough. And it's counting down to my trip! XD

2011-12-31T15:17:00.002+08:00

ok. officially sick.

reports all sent. findings settled. incentives done. fpg amended. crew creation all done. inventory done. only left the payroll to check through later.

medications. please work with me tonight.

what an end to 2011. =/

NYE

2011-12-31T00:21:00.003+08:00

1st movie in gold class ever! with *j! hahaha. after my overnight somemore. =P and i do like this movie. it's the usual feel good movie but it's something from the norm. a story of moving on. of overcoming challenges and striving for your dreams.

straight after we bought a zoo. caught sherlock holmes! XD all on christmas day! this is an interesting show. but i haven't watch the first one yet. and i super like the ending! such a twist! XD

a show i caught after deciding whether to watch for so long. i like the twist to the end. yes. it may be a star studded cast. but it's the storyline that had me following it through and through. i also wanna be amazed! =P all the more i wanna go new york for xmas and new year's eve!

got a tad pissed off over work stuff juz now. now ok le. but my body doesn't seem to be cooperating with me! damn! juz last through tonight till new year's day please! i still need to count stock! =( and all this people watsapp-ing me now are irritating the shit out of me. LEAVE ME ALONE!!

anyways. was talking to *i this morning. and yeah. it's funny how exactly 1 year ago he was rushing the place and i was still super new to being a rm. a year later we met and we spoke about how tiring work has become. about our lives. and it got me thinking again. what exactly did i achieve in 2011? besides being in the limelight of a new store. of being a new rm opening a store. besides work achievements. what did i accomplish in my personal life? nothing. i neglected my friends. my family. myself. and i feel horrible. work has always kept me from thinking about it all. but as it nears the end of the year. for the past few months. i don't feel the passion anymore. i am tired of trying to accommodate to those idiots. tired of trying to do everything alone coz i have a 1st asst who is not as capable as thought.

so in 2012. i only have a few resolutions.

1) since off days can't be totally be my off days. i muz plan and spend it fruitfully. whether to complete my paperwork or rest.

2) to manage the store differently.

3) spend more time with my family.

4) exercise more often. be it squash or swimming or cycling or running another marathon.

what is mine will be mine ultimately. maybe i am still not ready.

... ...

and i have a feeling my body is giving up on me already. been coughing non stop since i woke up at 7pm and feeling that my arms and legs all don't belong to me. gosh. muz this happen on new year's eve? xmas eve was the burn. new year's eve and i am sick? =/

=edited=
the year has finally taken its toil on me.

Tired

2011-12-29T03:46:00.001+08:00

Woke up at this ungodly hour once more to take over my overnight manager so that she can sleep a bit before nabit later. Sighz. I hate waking up to go for work at this time. I'd rather be the one doing overnight and going home to sleep for a few hours lo. What to do? Nobody can exchange managers with me. Especially since bloody BC asked me to attach my managers out and I've no more left for exchange. lll-.-

So. Since that last post. Besides meetings that were completed. I haven't start on my bloody management schedule. And neither have I completed the plan to win.

Poof!

There goes my off tmr. =(

Psyching

2011-12-26T21:52:00.001+08:00

I know I have a list of things to do. But I am so not in the mood. And most are due tomorrow or by Wednesday. How??

I need to send the action plans tmr. I need to do my management schedule by wed. I'm meeting my hgw kakis tmr for dinner. The ex cck4 team for dinner on wed. And tmr I plan to go for the logos hope bookfair. A movie then the dinner.

Sighz. I've never felt so not into work before.. =(

=edited=
And yes. You are fucking pissing me off. You don't do your part yet you expect the rest of us to? You think that you deserve to be promoted rather than Jackson? Think again. With your capability and mindset. Even Danilo have surpassed you. You? You're a wait to be told. Complacent. Irresponsible and negative bitch. I've seriously had enough.

SCDF

2011-12-25T23:19:00.001+08:00

I guess I shouldn't have watched that show. I mean. Yes I know it's related to your job and I was curious to see what goes behind the scenes. But I guess it was a super wrong move. Coz it made me think of you again when I shouldn't.

Platonic friends. We're not even that so why do I keep thinking so much? Or izzit coz I genuinely missed hanging out with you?

27 hours without sleep. Why am I pushing myself to the limits once again?

Burnt

2011-12-24T21:13:00.001+08:00

First overnight shift in a long time and on the 23rd of Dec. Best Christmas prezzie I received? A burnt on my master hand. Sighz.

Stupid Desmond commented that I've been working with that oil for the past 8 years and yet I could still get burnt by it. lll-.-

It kinda looks chao da now though. But not as pain as this morning. =/ what a wake up call in the early morning with Havi delivery. Guests in. And sizzling heat in the hand. I felt like a fish in a pan. Hmmmz.

What surprised me was when I posted the comment and photo on fb. And some people I need expected to ask. Did ask. *j text me. *y called me and scolded me over the phone. *he text me. Desmond. Michelle. Mum. Line. Chili. Prudence. Philip. Ben. Kaiting. Sister. Annie. Chris. My other mum. Hahaha. What a lot of live this Xmas! =P

Merry Xmas people! (and I hope I don't get burnt again or have another accident tonight!!)

=edited=
How I wish I'll get a surprised visit tonight!

Show

2011-12-23T18:41:00.001+08:00

Aiyoz! What kinda show is this??

I juz woke up from my sleep and switched on the tv to channel 8 show. Then I had to see the GM of Orient Hotel send a bouquet of flowers to Rui En and Pierre Png was juz sitting at the other side. The Pierre's mum scolded him for letting Rui En slip past again and again. Then the shop closed.

Pierre was sitting beind the desk waiting for Rui En to finish work and wanted to send her home. But Rui En told him off. 'you know I've liked you for so long. Yet you went hot and cold on me. Tell me in my face if you don't like me. I'll move on.' Pierre was caught off guard and when Rui En was about to leave he said. 'i realized I've fallen for you very long ago but Yiting came back. It's not easy to let go of a 8 years' relationship. I'm used to waiting and she's used to keeping me waiting.' Rui En turned back and told him. 'I'll wait for you. Until the day you fogey Yiting...'

lll-.-

What a time to be seeing this!

Digging up the past

2011-12-23T00:56:00.003+08:00

Digging up the past is bound to hurt. But I'm not sure why i suddenly would do that either. I thought back to the past in crez. In poly. At work. And I realized that I do have regrets.

If it's meant to be. It'll be? No matter the time and changes? Will that still happen? Hmmmz.

Reading between the lines is never healthy. Coz it makes one think too much and too in details when that may not be the case. At least that's what I told sister. =) so it's best that everything is said out in plain and no misunderstanding or guessing will happen. =) once in a while guess is fine. Juz not too often I guess.

Was sharing with *d and sister the other day. Then we were so randomly talking and I realized I still love surprises. Hahaha! And I detest routine. And how I still love being treated like a little girl despite my outlook. And how I love that distance between us and the breeze that passes. =)

Yeah yeah. Me being the random me has set a few goals for next year and 2014. Hahaha. Will share when it's closer to year end! Ohohoh! And after talking to brother yesterday. I almost forgot Euro Cup is next year! I am so gonna catch the matches! =D

2011-12-21T23:08:00.003+08:00

hee. a random show with a random friend. not too bad. and the ending was twisted! hahaha! i like! XD

been busy over the past 2 weeks and with my dear phonie out of service. =( these 2 days were unplanned off days. so i stuck around at home. settled some work issues. (more to settle tmr) and planned for 2012. tmr's gonna be a long day in some sense. ordering. 2012 presentation. then dinner with the pmo rms and 1st assts. fri and sat my turn to do overnight! =) sun morning going out with *j after work. mon going ah ma's house for xmas gathering! XD tues meeting my hgw girls. wed meeting my ex cck4 gang for dinner! XD thurs opening then pmo nabit. fri only time to breathe before sat overnight again to close the year! =)

shall probably do my reflection of the year in another week's time or so. i'm super looking forward to my cebu trip in jan though! leave's approved. tix bought. arrangement with gino made. time to act differently next year! XD

2011-12-19T22:36:00.003+08:00

and this shall be my motivation for the next 3 years. i want to watch the world cup 2014 in brazil. LIVE. doesn't matter which match but i juz wanna catch it LIVE. a once in a lifetime chance. and guess what? my mummy has approved of me going alone already! as long as i join a tour! *beamz* so i have signed up on a few websites for tour information and when the tix are available. =D and i'll probably stay additional few more days to enjoy the sights. =)

so if i do my counting. i'll need about $5000 for the tour and probably $1000 for spending. total $6000 for the trip. if i can guai guai save that $200 monthly for my trip from january 2012 onwards. by 2014 i will make my dream come true! so yes. i will put my heart and soul to that! south africa can wait!

so.

my next year travel plans has been firmed up. january to cebu for sinulog. march to bangkok paid by company. june for ray's wedding in perak. october or november will be the other company trip. then dec probably a 2d1n in malacca when hrc officially opens (coz i want the opening bear and pins! XD) so i should be able to save till then! now it's time to tighten my spendings! XD

and if i do get the scholarship next year. i should graduate by then and be able to travel! anyone keen to travel with me let me know kk? but muz confirm can go one horz. no last minute please! =P and no. i'm not gonna pay for you! XD

and so my motivation starts. =)

2011-12-16T23:54:00.003+08:00

sam tsui - hold it against me

hey over there

please forgive me

if i'm coming on too strong

hate to stare

but you're winning

and they're playing my favourite song

so come here

'little closer

wanna whisper in your ear

make it clear

little question

wanna know just how you feel

if i said my heart was beating loud

if we could escape the crowd somehow

if i said i want your body now

would you hold it against me

coz you feel like paradise

and i need a vacation tonight

if i said i want your body now

would you hold it against me

hey you might think

that i'm crazy

but you know i'm juz your type

i might be a little hazy

but you juz cannot deny

there's a spark in between us

when we're dancing on the floor

give me give me more, give me more

wanna see it

so i'm asking you tonight

if i said my heart was beating loud

if we could escape the crowd somehow

if i said i want your body now

would you hold it against me

coz you feel like paradise

and i need a vacation tonight

if i said i want your body now

would you hold it against me

if i said my heart was beating loud

if we could escape the crowd somehow

if i said i want your body now

would you hold it against me

coz you feel like paradise

and i need a vacation tonight

if i said i want your body now

would you hold it against me

after that incident on mon/tue. i have decided. enough is enough. i will not sacrifice my family time for work anymore. neither will i sacrifice my health for work.

coz of a semi finals. of a crew outing. of a store close early. i stayed in store overnight. and the opening attachment manager came late. and that was when i promised my baby bro i would meet him for brunch coz i haven't met him for months. and tue was supposed to go for the exsa.

when i reached home on tue morning. my body was totally against me. even though i napped for 1.5 hours and was to wake up and go brunch-ing with my bro. my body refused to move. i was juz lying there and unable to move. no matter how much i told myself i need to get out of bed. i couldn't do it at all. so i had to tell him sorry that i'm really tired. yes. he didn't blame me and understood that i was tired. but i cried. cried for why am i so silly to push myself so hard. cried for why i'm unable to spend time with my baby bro. and i told a lie. told mickey i wasn't feeling well and didn't go for the exsa. and refused to pick up all calls and refuse to reply msgs that day. coz i was that dead tired.

and from that day i decided. my own personal stuff will come first over work. i gave 8 years of dedication and commitment to the company. it's time i get some time to myself. no doubt i am single. but doesn't mean that singles have no personal life. i have neglected enough of my family. i was never close to them. but that doesn't mean i can't spend more time with them. ask myself. when was the last time i sat down to a proper homecooked meal with everyone present. when was the last time i ate out with my baby bro. when was the last time i brought my mummy out to eat.

1 more year. if 1 more year and if i can't get the uap degree. i will put some serious thought into resigning. it's time to find a job without overnight shifts and more stable hours. yes i may be bored. but i'm no longer young. it's time to spare some thoughts about my future.

and yes. instead of south africa next year. i will aim for brazil 2014. for the world cup. south africa will always be there. but world cup will always change. so it's time to save up for that dream of mine.

Platonic

2011-12-08T01:21:00.001+08:00

Platonic friendship. A friendship that is purely spiritual; free from sensual desire, especially in a relationship between two persons of the opposite sex.

Had a great catching up session with Eve juz now over sushi and at coffee club earlier. No doubt the other 2 girls were sick. But she shared with me this experience of hers of a platonic friendship with a guy friend that lasted through both their marriages. And that got me thinking.

Would it ever be possible that we would be friends again? Under the circumstances that we both have moved on and it's been sometime since our last communication. Yes. After the truth. I have moved on and hasn't been that constant in trying to maintain the friendship or keep it going. But your once in a while msgs kept me going and that it's the friendship that counts. Slowing down my pace and reflecting back on the past. I don't wanna lose you as a friend. And I hope that somehow I can still stay as that special friend that you once mentioned to me.

In my heart. You've always had that share of special place and with the story my friend shared. It seems plausible.

So if I'm willing to go back as being friends. Would you be agreeable to it? It does not need to be that constant msging nor calling nor meeting like the past. Once a month or once a quarter would be good enough. Juz a simple meal or a short movie. I wouldn't mind it all. And when it comes to a time when you've found your other half and ready to settle down and start a family. If I need to disappear from your life. Let me know and I will. But I will give you my utmost blessings from my heart prior to that.

A friend is for a lifetime. And given the chance. After all the times we shared laughing and going crazy food hunting in the night. I would wanna continue doing it.

So. *w. Let me know what you think. Whether or not it is possible. Juz a friendship. Nothing more.

... ...

如果放弃这份友情, 我应该会后悔一辈子吧?

2011-12-06T23:29:00.007+08:00

and i was off to malacca for 2d1n! super lucky to have found a place to stay! XD stopped at malacca sentral as usual and told the cab uncle to drop me at jonker. and juz nice. he stopped directly in front of... hard rock!!! XD so super happy!!!

the reason why i was in malacca... =) (i bought 1 landmark one for Jose but i lost his add!!! freak!)

so went searching for my hotel coz it was quite ulu. and came upon it by accident. think i was damn lucky! =)

so after finding the hotel and buying the pins. i felt kinda lost. coz my goal has reached and i don't know what to do anymore... but my tummy needed to be settled so off to my fav chicken rice ball store in jonker! he ji! XD i don't like the rice balls all along. so loose rice is fine! XD and coz i was a sole traveler. the lady boss sat me and another lady (also sole traveler) together and we bonded over the meal! =) she's Tamami from hokkaido japan. and it was her first trip overseas alone. kinda pity her so when she asked if she could tagged along with me the whole day. i agreed. and since my main goal was done. there was no harm was there? =)

and we went to jonker 88 for chendol and ice kachang!

ta-da! pic time! XD

and then in the evening after roaming the place and shopping for facial masks and track shoes. we went back to her guest house at ringo's foyer to meet the rest for some cycling for dinner! =) super enjoyed the experience! and guess what? i met the howard that couzin was talking about so much previously and he remembered couzin too! =D so we were kinda like updating each other on how my couzin's doing... =P

and it's off to dinner! ... ... it's always this sight in malaysia that got me thinking of how much i really miss the times i spent roaming and exploring the streets of malaysia... from jb to johor jaya. to pontian. to malacca. sighz... memories...

and we continued cycling along the river in the night after a satisfying dinner... =)

my buyings in the afternoon! love the purple track shoes! XD

came back to sin with Dion. another friend i met in malacca coz he's coming over to sin and not sure of the way... Tamami is coming tmr as well. and i met mark over there with ruth as well. there's still some names i'm not too sure of. but ah well! it was a great trip meeting new people and i realized 1 thing! next time i go malacca. to and from melaka sentral. i can take a RM1 bus to get to jonker! XD

... ...

on the bus trip to and fro malacca and larkin. i thought back on things and reflected on myself. i am no longer a kid anymore. and i should not be a workaholic anymore as well. work things that can be pushed or coz it's my off or leave. i will ignore it. no point that i care so much yet others take me for granted. so yeah.

2011 is coming to an end soon. and with the next trip fast approaching on 12 jan to cebu. it's time to tie up all the loose ends and start afresh.

no more thinking back of what should have been or might have been. no more feeling hurt over people that had never belonged to me 100%. sometimes the greatest hurt comes from not knowing the truth. it has been 1 year. and tons have changed.

i am no longer who i used to be. coz in order to prevent myself from getting hurt again and again over silly matters. i decided to let it all go. and maybe it should start with some tougher measures instead of the ones i am doing now. hmmmz.

2011-12-04T14:37:00.007+08:00

let's start with something stupid that i'll be doing tmr. =)

coz 1 of the people in the HRC malaysia posted a photo of 2 HRC pins in fb. i was super gian to go malacca. i knew they were opening a HRC in malacca but not sure when was the exact date till i googled and this was what i saw:

together with an artist's impression.

and so i decided to go on a day trip in and out. but after thinking and much consideration (on my pockets of course!) i decided to try my luck on this boutique hotel that cheekiemonkies stayed at the previous time. although it is $20 more than my usual stay at Aldy. but location and looks wise. i think it kinda won. hands down. =P

and so i booked on fri night. confirmation was on sat morning. and so i am going tmr! =D all alone! me-time!! =P *ssshhh* cannot tell my mummy. later she don't allow again. of course they only have superior rooms so it means i'll get 2 beds all to myself! XD and i asked mei yee to buy the bus tix for me yest. and so i will take from her today. yeah yeah! XD

HRC melaka! here i come! XD

been catching a few movies within the past 2 weeks.

the latest was on thurs after swimming with chili. alien. shark and *y. =) puss in boots! =P but somehow i prefer shrek more! =(

caught a show after my monthend overnight directly (meaning without sleeping nor change of clothes. =P) with alien and shark. a show ah pang initially wanted to catch. 50/50. the front was ok. but till the back it was a bit draggy...

and my much awaited breaking dawn part 1!!! with alien and shark! XD love their honeymoon place's the scenery! ♥ and am now super looking forward to part 2! XD

"原来，当你真的非常非常地喜欢一个女孩，当她有人疼，有人爱，你会真心真意地祝福她，永远幸福，快乐。"

a great show. an ending that caught me in tears. an unexpected movie with *j. what more do i need to say? nostalgia at its best. *w. watch this.

and there was immortals with alien and shark and ah pang. =) so-so ba. probably i expected more coz it was from the producers of 300. storyline could be better. but love the effects. =)

kk. kinda yawn-ey now le. opps! time to get my ass off to work. closing today and then tmr's bus's at larkin at 10am! XD hihi HRC melaka! XD

Breathe

2011-11-24T23:28:00.001+08:00

B. R. E. A. T. H. E.

I am still in the momentum of getting back my working mood. I admit. I know the DK muz open at 8am this Saturday. I know the 4 of them have to pull out for OCC this Saturday. I know I need to complete the management schedule and submit by Monday. I know I need to plan all the dates next month by Sunday. I know I need to get all the crew to sign on the letter by monthend. I know I muz attach my managers out half month each to SSC and IMM. I know I have to meet that effing customer tmr.

But.

That does not mean both of you can ask me for the 2nd half of the month. That doesn't mean I have to give you totally 2 full weeks. That doesn't mean I need to get back to you by tonight juz coz you asked for it.

Coz.

You guys never bother to hire TMs to train up in your store. You guys juz leave all your OILs and ALs till year end without sparing a thought for others. You guys think that you ask me to give you the dates I will give you now. You guys think that juz coz I have a big team I have spare managers. You guys assume that I need not exchange managers with other stores. You guys don't take action so why should I care.

So.

I refuse to reply your msg of when I will attach a manager over. I will focus and concentrate on my DK first. And my own store issues. I refuse to think about scheduling when I have OCC preparations to think of. And I will refuse to tell you when I will give you the managers until I happy then I tell you.

Simply.

I don't give a damn about your store. You guys only ask for help but never help me. Especially you. So why should I bother? You take all you want but what do I get I'm return? More work to do. When the work belongs to you. Fuck la. Then now comes another idiot to the PMO. If you wanna be defensive. Be all you want. I don't care. But please teach your managers to be smart. Accept large orders and expect me to help. Why should I? Today is PSLE results release day. Then why did you promise the order when you cannot cope?

If I can't even take care of my own store. How to help?

I know my temper is getting much shorter this week. So stop testing my patience. I'm still having my frustrations so stay away from me. I am so tempted to go do something stupid juz to get away from it all.

... ...

原来你对我的好, 不只是对我而已. 其他人也有同样的待遇, 那我为什么会感觉到一阵阵的酸味?

... ...

而你那突如其来的一封短讯, 既然会让我振作起来多一点. 让我熬过了那一关. 也是一个提醒, 我真的为什么那么卖力? 为的是什么? 但是我还是要谢谢你. 经常在我最失落的时候, 你的简讯, 让我找回了自己.

... ...

It's time to look for a new motivation.

Worth it?

2011-11-19T23:28:00.001+08:00

Came upon beloved's photos of her new place and made me had that flashback of the times we spent in her room and house gaming through the night and falling asleep in the cold. =) such good memories.

... ...

But it also made me have some flashbacks. Of the fact that you stayed somewhere near as well. And the times we spent in the area.

... ...

Suddenly mummy threw me off guard and asked me this question. '你做了24小时. 有睡到觉吗?' '没有.'

And it got me thinking.

Izzit worth it to sacrifice my sleep and body and mental strength juz for work? I mean. I appreciate the thought from my mummy. But all along. She has never bothered to ask or care. Perhaps I was too negative and she could feel that I didn't wanna share. Perhaps I should take a step back and see how I can manage like a RM.

There's so much commitment needed from me at this point in time that I'm not too sure how much I can really commit anymore.

It's normal in certain jobs that 24 hours without sleep is nothing. But for me? This is not the way it should be. Especially since I broke down in front of my team yesterday after that incident with that effing customer.

There's so much one could take. And no doubt I willed myself to be strong. There comes a time when you will juz breakdown coz everything is pressing down on you to the extent that you can't breathe. And how no one seems to understand you at all. And you feel so alone. So afraid. So tired.

I wish time could juz stop still for this minute. Let me wallow in my own pain. My own fears. My own doings. And then I promise I'll move on again.

2011-11-18T11:47:00.003+08:00

super hate that drilling in the flat above mine. gonna go nuts soon! =/ super hungry now also. think i shall go back sleep first before going out for lunch with mummy. hungry hungry! =/

anyways. =)

yest *j asked to meet for dinner. hahaha. so we trooped down to ikea in an attempt to catch my meatballs! =D hee hee. it's always nice to have someone to come and pick me up from store. =) okies. shall concentrate on the FOR later.

wp cancellation done. pp done. feedback findings done. crew status done. ordering shasha done. housekeeping shasha and jack and ah bao done. cafe housekeeping done. left to go through 1 last round with danilo and go clear a bit of shit. heng got wen how. mei yee and mei fang to see see look look.. =)

jiayou! 1 last day of FOR before the meeting and the occ practice tmr. then i can rest well tmr night before sun's open door! and a breather on mon! shall plan for a swim!! XD

wed meeting *j to catch another movie! XD not sure if we can meet in the day also although supposedly we are both off. =D

dk's opening next sat le. time to look into my schedules to plan for my best people on floor! XD

2011-11-16T20:51:00.003+08:00

rushrushrushrushrush!

the next 4 days are gonna be super hell. let's see.

tmr is morning FOR starting at 6am till 4pm. after which i will stay in store to clear some stuff and all those profit plan things. and crew wage structure. then fri is 5pm start FOR till 12am. 12am to 2am is recap of FOR with team. 2am to 4am is management meeting. 4am to 6am is supper/breakfast. then sat morning 11am to be at wcp with ling ling and mei fang for occ practice till 3pm. sun open door day followed by dinner with the shark and alien and most likely chili too. =D

and then i breathe on mon.

the only rush part is tmr night after the FOR coz i need to rush a lot of paperwork and those will kill me bad enough.

but i guess i will survive like any other time. =)

... ...

still not totally in the mood back to work today. but i guess i think it's really time to let go and come back to reality. needs time to adjust back my body clock to singapore time. but these few days it would be good to stay in aussie time. =P

kk. time for bed. need to wake up super early tmr. and am really touched by the reply by my team juz. *touched* i juz hope it is what it is. =)

tatA!

Bikes

2011-11-15T11:46:00.001+08:00

I miss the Harleys. The Super 4s and the R6s in Surfers' Paradise. =/

They should rename it as Bikers' Paradise. =) no doubt it's been some time since I last sat on a bike. The last being ah pang's super 4. But it's a feeling never forgotten. =)

It's time to get back to work and all the reality. But then again. Less than 2 months from now I'll be flying off again! This time to Cebu to catch the Holy Week with Gino! XD looking forward to that slacking time before the craze of CNY hits and the forever short month of Feb to begin.

Gonna meet my HGW girls soon. And shark and alien. And hopefully the rest of the crazy peeps! Oh! And to go out with *j too! =D

Dec is gonna be hell too with all the events and trainings to be done. But yeah. I will survive! =D

如果

2011-11-14T22:05:00.001+08:00

Feeling emo-momo now. Not sure what happened too. Touched down at 5.25am this morning and after breakfast with mum it was time for home and bed. Slept through lunch till 6pm when I woke up for dinner and it's now back to sleep.

Need to submit profit plan tmr at 4pm. Gonna visit sister in SGH at 12pm tmr. And I refuse to do any work today. Super tired.

Not sure what happened. But it does feel good when I was watsapping you in gold coast and you replied those msgs with that emoticon. And also juz before I left the iMessages you sent with that same emoticon. I know I shouldn't think too much. But I dreamt of you juz now. And when you asked me why I'm so moody. How could I possibly tell you?

I never expected to be this close to you. I never expected to go out or meet this often with you. And I would have never expected that we would still be texting daily as long as I have reception. There's a lot of things I never expected. And the other was having this silly crush on you.

There's no way I can tell you this. And no way can I tell you why I'm emo-ing. Coz it's all about you.

If.
If I've never met you.
If I've never known you.
If I've never added you as a friend.
If I've never gone out with you.
If.

I miss you. But you?

2011-11-07T22:00:00.005+08:00

as promised with *j. we went to catch footloose on sunday after i cleared some work stuff in store. nice old country film set. and the songs were juz so catchy! was still singing after we left the cinema on a high! =D

on a whim. went to catch the adventures of tintin with *j again today. 2 movies in 2 days. and juz before i am flying off. =) i like the show. it was similar to polar express kinda animation. and i like to see what i read in comics come to life. =D

... ...

tmr's the day. sister is now admitted to hopsital and unable to make it to gold coast with me. =( so i will have no roomie i think. all alone. =(

have been looking forward to this trip for quite sometime. and i realized juz how much travelling really means to me. and i had flashbacks of my first few trips aboard. =)

the first one when i went hk and macau on the school trip and *g came and picked me up when i landed with beloved and many years' friend. =) the very first one on my own with jovi to taiwan on a plane. i went to the airport alone. but *w rode there after work juz to keep me company for a bit while waiting for jovi to reach. it was only half an hour or so. but it meant a lot to me back then. i also remember skyping late at night in taiwan with him. =) then there was the one after rlp when i touch down and *someone was there to pick me up. he was going to surprise me by bringing me to lau pa sat for satay but he seemed to overlooked that i was dragging an almost bursting luggage so we went fajar for zi char instead. =)

it's been half a year since my last flight out and sometimes. somehow. somewhere. i juz hope that you can send me off or pick me up again...

silly thoughts. okie. time for bed. still got service class to conduct tmr morning. and i haven't pack my luggage yet! if *j sees the msg she is so gonna kill me! XD

2011-10-31T15:29:00.006+08:00

as promised to myself. i managed to catch this show somewhere last week. =) it's interesting how often that i'm catching shows of this genre. probably coz i saw the trailers and i thought it would be nice.

'one day': probably not a that fantastic a show. i love the storyline but was caught shocked at the twist in the end. very much of a british slang and how time really seems to fly. reminded me of another show. 'morning glory'. to you: wait for the dvd or watch online. not worth watching in cinemas. =)

went greenridge with mummy for lunch juz now and went to the rental shop to see what would be good to watch. =) and i saw this show that i have yet to watch. a show that was comparable to 'friends with benefits'. similar storyline and predictable. but no longer in cinemas. (such an old show!)

super love this. somewhat felt it's better than 'friends with benefits'. 只有心中有故事的人，才能体会之间的感触。watched this on lappy with my sennheiser headphones connected. machiam surround sound (over the thunder and rain outside). shiok! =D to you: find a way to watch this. not as hilarious as 'friends with benefits' but still good. =)

... ...

and interesting how a post of 'I QUIT!!!' can render so many comments from people who used to be part of my life...

fagan. jolyn. annie. hun loon. janice. kaijing. rudy. shujun. the most shocking ones were fagan. hun loon. rudy. these were people who are not that active on fb. but yet bothered to leave me comments. much much appreciated.

was out from sat night to yest night. and once i stepped back to singapore the msg i received pissed me off totally. it seems like everytime when i leave singapore i come back to clear others' fucking shit. then when i'm off in singapore. eveything is fine. then this equates to me having no life. might as well end this all!

i am pissed. frustrated. disappointed. all rolled into one.

to the point that up to now i am not replying any msgs on my phone. no matter the importance. and i am not picking up any calls. why should i? you guys can vent your anger and frustration on me. then juz coz i am the boss i can't do any of these? that i have nowhere to vent it all out. 难道我就不能任性多一次吗？

i was pissed off during the occ last friday. and i refuse to step out of the managers' room. for what should i? juz coz i was the host? when the fucking organizer can don't plan anything well and go for an interview and the fucking next in line organizer pushed everything to me to get me to ask her to do? fuck la. you guys are like how senior! redeeming point was that after the event when i tried to make a short clip out of all the photos and sent it out. the recognition coming back was well worth all the effort.

shall stop thinking about things that pisses me off and go back to catch some sleep before starting monthend tonight. sure got more things for me to get pissed over.

tatA!

Al azhar

2011-10-25T23:57:00.001+08:00

Sitting here at Al-Azhar at this time at a small table near the satay stall reminded me of the last time we met here and chatting for a couple of hours.

I've alwayz loved this place in many ways. Coz of the memories. The food. The routine.

So why am I sitting here alone? Coz sister impromptu asked for a meetup and so I'm here waiting. =) drinking my fav teh tarik. =)

I went to watch a movie this afternoon. As promised I will write a short review on it to tell you if it's worth watching. =)

... ...

Juz met *j for some Chinese orchestra performance by SP and I enjoyed it. Juz not the emcees though. I could do a better job! Even *j agreed! =P gonna meet her for trekking tmr and then brunch-ing and museum-ing too!

Alright! Shall stop here before sister arrives! XD

2011-10-12T22:14:00.002+08:00

and this got me thinking of my friendships with some.

probably it's all my fault. i am in shift work and i can't accommodate to a lot of my friends. and when my schedule comes out monthly. it's even harder. and so after a while i stop trying to plan for meetups coz i'm juz so drained. and i know almost 99% of the time my friends won't be able to fit my timings. so i gave up.

looking back. izzit sad? definitely. but even if we meet up now. i don't know what i'll say anymore. coz the working has changed my stance and mindset on a lot of things. and how i look at things are no longer the same. and there doesn't seem to be any more common ground to talk about. so should i bother? i don't know. do i wanna bother? i'm not too sure either.

and then there are friends who out of the blue that suddenly meet up every month or so. no doubt these are friends that i'm not that close with. but i guess friendships can be built the same way they can be torn down?

sighz.

i miss my girls. but i guess all of them seems to have moved on juz fine without me. so why should i make myself the extra by joining in? =/

2011-10-10T00:12:00.006+08:00

pain was still there a bit yest. on and off. but i refuse to take the medication. hrmphz. hopefully now it'll get better. i don't want the pain. =( coz the busy period is approaching soon le. from today onwards and all hell will break loose. =/

events have been lined up back to back. starting from today. mdp sessions. chit chat sessions. pds sessions. house meetings. cl meetings. cafe challenge. profit plan projections. shift certification. open doors. mccare day. lws preparations. espresso class preparation. occ preparation and actual event. cafe challenge. and all my paperwork not cleared yet. gosh.

... ...

1 year ago. this was the day. 1 year later and i still think about you sometimes. 101010. i hope you are doing fine.

and this was when i was hit with the fragility of a relationship once again.

2011-10-08T01:03:00.000+08:00

Pain pain. Go away please. You've already scared me this afternoon. Juz go away ok? I promise I will take care of myself more and not stress myself too much. I have another event later and it has to be a success coz sister's now in hospital also.

I don't wanna go a&e again. I don't wanna be put on the drip again. I don't wanna have to do all the xrays again. I don't wanna go through the pain.

Please juz disappear ok? I promise I'll be good and go for my checkup in March next year. And I promised sister I'll go with her for our yearly checkup at Gleneagles this coming December le.

Pain pain. Please leave me alone ok? =/

2011-10-06T22:35:00.003+08:00

this show is good. waaaaaay good. the beginning was a tad slow and draggy. but the back fights were awsome!

hugh jackman was so rugged and so cute!! XD and the story line was well thought out. the end was super touching and i almost teared lo. nice nice show. and i like atom too! and max as well! =D

2011-10-04T02:10:00.008+08:00

interesting how a character can mould and change to another total opposite. and no. i'm not talking about anyone else. i'm talking about me.

have been meeting up with the hgw people almost every other week recently and yeah. my tastebuds are starting to get attas again. =P is that good or bad? hahaha. with them i can ba. and there's dave around. sure even more attas de.

then with ah pang's intro. i'm hooked on overtime. lll-.- going again next week to chill with my team. =) probably will take it as management dinner cost ba. let's see how it all goes. =)

aromatic starker at overtime at holland v. =P

tandoori foie gras anyone? =P

korean pork belly bbq.

escargots!! XD

drinks tasting with the hgw gang. =D

my own me-time at oriole... =)

sun with moon jap dining at wheelock..

chillout with the hgw girls at marina mandarin lounge. =)

etna italian. =)

apple and salmon salad at tcc MBS.

punjab grill again..

high society..

random pics of how attas my tastebuds are becoming. =D

then the food tasting we had today? dorothy asked us how long have we known each other and how. and we thought back. we actually started back in 2007. what a long time!! 4 years has juz flown past like this. eve has gotten married to jon. naddz and mathias are still going strong. dave's daughter is super cute. and got to know alvin in person with michelle and jieying. =) no doubt we don't meet that often and all. especially me and them coz of my sucky schedule. but recently somehow we realized that we could all hang out together and interestingly? it's always about food. GOOD FOOD. and most often than not we spent too much time laughing as well. it's never about work or personal. juz random crap. but then again. where to find makan kakis like them? adventurous yet picky. not that we always go high end places. we go local zi char too. XD

planning on another dim sum trip coz i wanted to go and the rest juz wanted to join in the fun. so waiting for a date from michelle then off we shall go! XD if not dave's gonna bring us to try cheeseburger popiah at hotel michael? *lookz damn lost* hahaha. i juz follow lo. for once when i go out with this bunch of foodies. i never have to worry about the quality of the food or whether i'd like it or not. it's a definite yes. =)

suddenly after going out with them i seemed to have much to say. =)

been spending much me-time too. so much so that *j said i was becoming a zai nu. -.- i mean i juz felt like doing things alone. being alone in my own world. doing what i want. whenever i want. call it emo. call it loner. whatever you wish. i don't care. =)

went shopping alone that day and burnt a hole in my pocket. hahaha. bought a new backpack and signed the world of sports membership to get the 20% discount on my bag and it came with a bag of goodies. then went marks and spencer for my biscuits. piglets. chips. went kino and bought 2 books and 3 mags. went dvd crazy at hmv and bought 4 dvds. ate at sun with moon. and then went oriole's for some reading and snacks. =P and then was off to the studio for drinks tasting and then back to overtime to meet sisters for drinks. and i think the people at overtime can recognize me le lo. =P

tmr or rather later will be spending more me-time at wcp rotting away. =)

this month's quite a slack month so i should make full use of it by resting at home and being a couch potato. =P

i've been like catching shows lo. variety shows late at night. e.u. painted skin. sunshine angel. junior masterchef - australia. mao xian wang. and what nots. hahaha. i wanna be a cushion!! XD

so far only 2 more dates this month. 1 with shark. chili. *y. alien for JB!! and 1 for alien's birthday!! ohohoh. and 1 for my hgw kakis. =)

maximizing my sleep these few days. and my body system has gone haywire in the sense that now i'm not sleepy. but can't wake up too early. die la. sat how to run?? =( can i permanently work closing and night shifts?? XP

i kinda missed working at this kinda time. coz i usually will hang out till early morning before getting my ass home. or will get my ass home and this is the time to maple!! XD it's been so long since i last mapled. guess there really isn't much time already ba.

bro's recruits are POP-ing soon. and then he tell me they'll add him on fb. lll-.- meaning this sister has to approve all the requests for him and it'll be flooding his inbox in my phone. -.- his ORD is next year. and i'm supposed to take leave for him lo. -.- funny lo him. sighz. for the next 4-5 years i can't leave this job le. (unless it's a much higher paying job.) reason? this sister has to pay for his uni education le. -.- ok la. actually we've discussed this some time back. and to take the burden off my parents. the 2 of us decided this sister shall pay through cpf and he'll pay me back after graduation. and this sister only knows it's ex to study this subject in this particular uni. but now this sister juz got a heart attack. $11k per year. gosh. where the hell is this sister gonna pluck the money from? i know my cpf has money la. but not to this extent what. -.- die le la. he better be thankful lo. -.- why do i have to be so nice to this freaking brother of mine ah? sighz. he better work hard and not play a fool. -.- ok. half year more to prepare my poor heart. -.-

next year. my turn to go UAP. i wanna go get that degree too. so i need to slog and manage from now till nov and make sure my results improve and i get a sp rating. THEN i get a chance of going for the UAP. and i don't need to pay. hahaha. but i have to pay for my bro. so basically if i do get it and start slogging next year. both my bro and i are gonna end up as degree students! =D although i will graduate first la. UAP degree is 2 years course. his is 4 years. bachelor ma. =) i will jiayou de. nothing to lose and everything to gain. =)

thinking back. i left school like 5 years ago and have since lost touched with my books and study ways. ok la. probably not that bad coz of bsmc. asmc. empc and rlp. and all those workshops and what nots. but good la. time to buck up and get my goals done. =)

hahaha. it's raining le. that's what mummy's telling me. so off to bed i shall be. and later shall go store to pick up my crew and then off to wcp! =)

tatA world! =)

Thoughts

2011-10-03T02:23:00.001+08:00

That day when I was doing management schedule and looking at the dates. 10/10 struck me in the face. What was supposed to be a promise to a fairy tale story started out. Exactly 1 year ago on 10/10/10. But sadly it was not a fairy tale meant to last.

Then I watched 'friends with benefits' with the sisters. And I thought about how you would enjoy the movie.

There was the thought of how you met and know
My manager's wife. Juz coz you guys work for the same company. I was shocked at how small Singapore is becoming.

Unsure of what came over me. I went to your fb. And I saw that status change. Happy belated birthday *g. I'm glad you've found someone now. =) juz please don't treat her like how you treat me. =)

Over some kindness shown. I quarrelled with you. Or probably it's both ways. Stop being nice to me. Coz you're juz gonna make me fall even deeper. But I didn't know I affected you so much. Perhaps it's time we put a stop to it?

Was watching channel U juz now. And the makeover they did for the participants were amazing. Seriously! Like they were all so man. Then in the photos they became real ladies! =)

... ...

Maybe I should change more. Be more lady. I know my dressing has changed coz I've friends who commented on it and teased me about it. But perhaps my attitude should change too. No one would like going out with a tomboy. Of course at work is one thing. I have my store to manage and decisions to make. But out of work? I should try to become more gentle and soft spoken. Hmmmz. But that's gonna be tough.

Recently a quite a number of friends have been getting married and engaged. Cream. Line. Eileen. Mel. Sze Hua. Ray. Jac. Zheng Qiang. Esther. And some are pregnant or have given birth like Jas. Les.

And it got me thinking. When would it be my turn to find that special one and settle down? Probably not like immediately or within this year and next. Coz I'll need all my time to focus on the store to get the result I want and go for the degree scholarship that most likely will be made available again next year. But after that?

I am a bi. But that doesn't mean I will stay like this for long. And I'm not planning to.

I wanna start a family too. Get married. Have kids. Change job.

I wanna be treated like a princess too. Not that I will be demanding. But I wanna be surprised. I wanna feel wanted and needed (but not incessantly). I wanna be chased after. I wanna feel loved. I wanna feel cared for. And I wanna feel that I'm the reason for your existence. More than that. I wanna believe that you are that Prince Charming that has come for me.

A girl can sure dream can't she?

Prince Charming. I promise I'll be good till you arrive ok? =) but please. Don't make me wait too long! =)

2011-10-02T15:51:00.002+08:00

watched this that day with my sworn sisters.

somehow everytime i watch shows like this. it made me think of you.and how you would go 'lame ah...' but this is a good show. if you are still reading this blog of mine. you should really go watch it. it's also hilarious. =)

2011-09-27T13:31:00.004+08:00

let me share a story with you.

on sunday i was on shift with jiahui. no doubt it wasn't busy. but it wasn't that quiet either. but coz there were students studying and customers looking for seats i was doing my travel path up and down quite frequently. then my mac mum called me from her counter coz a customer was requesting for tartar sauce. i went over and spoke to this malay lady in her early thirties. she was demanding tartar sauce on the side. and believe me when i said she was demanding. i told her i wasn't able to accede to her request as there was food safety issue involved. what if she gets food poisioning or anything. it's her health we are talking about and we won't be able to bear that resposibility. she retorted back this 'other stores can do it. why can't you?' 'i'm not sure why other stores are able to it. but there has been emails out pertaining to this issue. would it be alright if i add more sauce on your filet instead?' and she threw her burger at me. i was like. wtf?!? but i did add in more for her and replaced her burger on the tray and thanked her professionally and she has the cheek to tell me this 'you have bad service!!' before walking off. i was like *blood boilz*. then i forgot about it and continued my shift. until today.

mickey juz called me and asked me what happened that day. so i told her. and she told me it was the same customer who feedbacked the other time about not getting the cheese shaker powder when she upsized her meal. and best. she said this time she didn't receive her cheese shaker powder as well!! (when she ordered a NORMAL filet meal with sprite.) lll-.- and she said i was doing travel path and went over cafe to talk bad about her. lll-.- i was juz talking to my baristas about the thermometers and we pin you and LDS lo.

if you as a customer did not do anything wrong. why should you be afraid of people talking behind your back? and so what if you are able to write my full name down in the email. guess what? i did nothing wrong and mickey juz told me this 'she is juz a typical complain customer. i told adel that i am not going to entertain her anymore.'

yay-ness for mickey! =D

... ...

this past week has been hell. and my boiling point is almost reaching le. all coz of my darling 1st asst. know how to talk but don't know how to work. well done. let's see how long more i can take. she's going on 11 days leave. let's see how many schedules she can produce.

simple emails she also don't know how to take charge and revert. muz i ask then she do. how to share my burden? more like add on to it. lll-.-

... ...

time to go fajar to use com. cannot log into VPN. super upsetted. =/

2011-09-22T22:35:00.002+08:00

let's get ready to RUMBLE!!

been going crazy over preparation for the BIGGEST promotion of the year as well the service workshop. basically juz this 2 alone has drained almost all my energy for the past 2 weeks. of course there were other factors like meetings and drinking and chilling sessions. but this has been what we have all been waiting for.

spent yesterday at store coz supposedly there was a last minute travel but wasted my time coz they called it off only 4 hours after they were scheduled to arrive. went dinner-ing with my hgw kakis and mum. and then had an impromptu meet up with *j and slacked till like this morning 5.30am. =) slept till like 6.08pm and going back to sleep in a while.

this is gonna be another hell of a month (till Oct) and i hope my team and i can last till then.

it's gonna be bad. it's gonna be xiong. but i have faith in us making it through. we will survive till then and look forward to a good crew outing in Nov.

GCs. i command you to walk in my doors.
Sales. i command you to stay and multiply.
CSO. i command you stay young.
Fast. i command you to reach for the moon.
Crew turnover. i command you to stop walking out my doors.
Viruses. i command you to be banned from entering my territory.

this is the last stretch. WE WILL WIN THIS WAR.

2011-09-11T00:12:00.002+08:00

once again. am back here to blog.

the past 1 week has been hell. what with the long working days and all. finally got my ass back home early today for dinner. although half was da bao and half was homecooked. it was still good that i could come home for a meal. been eating out too often. with more often than not. skipping my meals.

work has been hell. coz i made a promise to myself that from this month onwards. i will change my style of working. no more pitying the managers that they work long hours. what needs to be done needs to be done. if i want the result. this has to be the way. so i guessed the first few days they were kind taken aback. but now they know what i want and what needs to be done fast. except 1 fellow. sighz. i lost my temper 3 times in a week coz of her. and cried twice within this month juz coz i felt so stressed and handicapped. no doubt the rest of the team are helping me much. but juz 1 her around and i'm already falling apart.

thank god for sis. mum. *y. *d. *j. lent their ears and vented out things. sometimes only when i let it out can i think more clearer and sensibly. =/

and i realized that since that day last month. everyday without fail *j will text me. initially was juz on fb. msgs were few. but when she got her iphone and wastapp. it was pure spam. not in the bad sense. but more of the sense that there was someone there to get me out of bed. who wishes me good night without fail. in between her breaks or my breaks. we do msg too.

like today. she went 'shopping' for me. and we were mass spamming lo. XD but i am a happy girl. yest she knew i was super pissed so she bought something to cheer me up. =) and i was actually very touched. =) simple gestures but it means a lot. that she cares ba. bought island creamery that day for her coz i knew she was working late. then today she came by store coz we made a deal to have breakfast before work. =) the minute i saw her text and the minute i turned and saw her queuing. it seemed like my heartbeat hastened. and i could feel myself flushing. =P

maybe it isn't really that much of anything but a simple crush.

been quite sometime since i crushed someone. sister did asked me if i would ever tell *j i like her. but i guess not. i don't want what happened to *her and me to repeat on *j and i. i like the way we are now. although there is that grey area that i don't really wanna step in until i get to know her better. true that i used to be a bi. but i didn't expect that i still am today. or probably coz it's her. no la. i don't think anything will or can happen between us. i don't wanna place too much hope again. later end up with major disappointment. but if anything happens. it'll be a plus point for me ba. IF it happens. i will not stop it. =)

and no doubt on wednesday i wasn't supposed to meet her. but coz someone fly her aeroplane so i said after i do my stuff we can meet for dinner. which we did. and it's been sometime since i wanted to colour and draw stuff. we were playing with crayons in a corner of island creamery that day. am going to meet her on mon after her work. another friend is coming along. i don't know if i should be happy or not. hmmmz. anyways. shall see how it all goes. at least we're going out. =)

okie. PnL done. gonna go sleep le. tired! and that pig went to sleep le! =) good nightz world! =)

Crush

2011-09-05T23:32:00.001+08:00

I was feeling a little blue during dinner and after. Coz my cheese is leaving for good and alien and cheese and I spent time reiminiscing about the past we shared in cck4. Such beautiful memories.

Was still thinking on the walk back home. And still thinking now. Whatever it is. The fact is that she's going over to alaska for good and unless I fly there. There's almost no chance of meeting.

Then was replying's *j watsapp. And she somehow managed to make me smile. It's interesting how we met and became such random friends. But I treasure every moment of it. It's like having a boyfriend and not like it at the same time.

Somehow or rather. We've been texting very frequently. Almost every day before work. During breaks. After work. And it's more interesting when we text the same thing at the same time.

Maybe I wouldn't classify this as love. More of a crush and eye candy ba. =) and yeah. We're meeting again this month to go another weird place after she ends work. Chinese garden. =P

She's off on Wednesday and so am I. Maybe can see if can go some place too? Like botanical gardens or some park? Or sembawang beach? Or airport and send cheese off... =)

Shall see how it goes ba.

Shall rest early tonight. Early day tmr. Nightz world! =)

2011-09-04T21:26:00.004+08:00

went to catch smurfs yest with alien! predictable show but cute la. hahaha. i smurf you alien! =D

caught cars 2 alone in 3D at shaw lido. and the whole theater had 3 people including me. and all were adults. hahaha. i like watching movie alone in a not crowded cinema! =P

watched this alone also. but it was kinda creepy. especially coz i watched it after going to the zoo with *j.

getting my mooncakes tmr!! =D and snow skinned mooncakes made me thought of 1 person. =/ anyways. am off today and tmr. so was doing work and tracking today. continuing tmr. and i went for a ride for an hour and a half. tmr going to meet alien and cheese for dinner at westmall. =) cheese's going back cebu and then to alaska for good le. =(

suddenly feeling sleepy. no idea why.

probably shall sleep in a while. should i go out on wednesday? =) she's off also. =)

yarz. think i read my book for a while before sleeping. i think my sentences are already not making any sense. no? =)

tatA world! =D

Random-ness

2011-09-03T00:43:00.001+08:00

Had a good start today yet halfway through it ended on a sour note. So pisses till I refuse to talk to people except for *y. And I juz broke down totally. I haven't cried in front of people for very long. But this is way too much. There's always a point to my tolerance and some have pushed it way too far.

But to *y. Thanks for being there once again. Really much much appreciated. =)

... ...

Went out with *j that day too. And am going out again this month too. =)

Been super tight on dates this past 2 weeks. This month is not going to be any better. So yeah. Managed to squeeze in a good and exotic food session with Eve. Mich. Dave and Jon. Much enjoyable!! =D

2011-08-23T13:55:00.002+08:00

当你迷失自己的时候，回到原点，回想起当初的热忱。

can i really look back and find back that passion i have?

had a bad morning. supposed to have a good sleep after applying the the 'melt away stress lotion'. in the end i had the worse kinda sleep ever. tossing and turning was not enough. i had to have nightmares and recurring dreams that plagued my waking moments in between. it was fitful. and it was frightful.

then there were the emails i read. the msgs and calls that came through. it totally spoilt my morning. and juz as i thought things couldn't get any worse. it did. a close friend msged me and told me he's resigning this monthend. and what made him disappointed was the way the BC conducted the exit interview. no doubt he may not be the best but he's someone who also gave a lot to the company.

we all started way back. him longer than me. but this's the treatment he got. for me? there's so much expectations and changes that sometimes i really do feel like giving up.

like today. my limit is almost maxed out. and i really feel like giving up already. no doubt the people are the ones who kept me here. but the people are also the ones pushing me away.

'settle the future you really want. if mac can't give you the opportunities that you want. then go ahead... it's also good to try out new things. juz don't feel and regret will do. after all. you've been in this line. this company for years. i believe you ave that ability to conquer all the expectations. that's why you are still here. hanging on. be it the system. the people or the environment. worth it or not. it's still up to you to think and recall. recall all the good and bad times. how much life experience you gain. go with your heart...'

maybe i really should spend today thinking what i really want. no doubt i still have my goals that i want to achieve in the 5 years. but what will i do once i achieve? leave or stay?

and i start thinking... ...

*j. thank you. for juz being there.

2011-08-23T01:09:00.003+08:00

a post dedicated to dearest ah pang. =)

been out since fri till sun. fri was at the zoo. sat was out drinking and pubbing with ah pang. alien. kwang wei. hubert. dusty. girlfriend. and ah pang's other friends. sun was at les's baby girl's baby shower.

sat was ah pang's birthday and man was he crazy! =) drinking flaming lambo. waterfall. shots. beers. and getting everyone to kiss him. guys and girls alike and juz as the night was ending there was a group of ang mos who came in and partied. and we all got high together. credits to the band coz the songs they played were FANTASTIC!! =D

anyways. it's been great working with ah pang during the times i was at cck4. not much chances but i always remember the open doors we do. and how his housekeeping is superb. =) and how we were polishing stainless steel at DK1 and DK2 and swearing at the air con exhaust. =)

we were never close in the sense of hanging out together after work in cck4. and we talk only coz of bikes. that was the only common topic back then. it was somewhere near when i was transferring out that we realized we both like good food. so after transferring out we met more often. at least once a month? to find good food. try this and that. and we went drinking together. and somehow bonded somewhat over food. drinks and bikes. =)

ah pang: first night in camp. hope everything goes well for you yarz? and i wanna see your botak photo la! and we'll plan to meet again once you're settled down ok? take care. and we'll all miss your craziness and laughter! *hugz*

2011-08-20T01:39:00.002+08:00

I think I am seriously getting my own ass in trouble. Coz I think I've fallen her. Not good not good!! My alien says she love too much so she is going to smack me awake lo! =P

Been out the whole day today. To the zoo. Then came over cck4 coz boss was around and we chatted for quite a bit. After which we went for dinner. =) I miss working with my boss very much. =( then went to walk around a bit before catching rise of the planet of the apes alone. Freezing cold lo! Shaking all over!! =/ then came down and now waiting for alien to end work lo. =)

... ...

But really. I didn't expect to fall for you this fast. No doubt all along I found you cute but coz we don't really meet. So I kept it at that. And coz I'm not sure what are you. Although like what Shasha said. Our gay-dar picked up vibes that were interesting la. So yarz.

I hope I don't go back to where I was 7 years back. But if it does happens. I'm not about to stop it either. Maybe it's been some time since I had someone there for me. And maybe all I need is juz someone to be there for me unconditionally.

And suddenly. Ijuzmissyou. =/

But I'm looking forward to the next meet up which I hope will happen. *wishez*

Peeves

2011-08-17T21:46:00.001+08:00

If you don't mean to keep your promise. Then don't make any commitments. I'm someone who hold you to your words. And I hate people who do not keep to their promises. If you promise to be there. Then you should be. I don't like to be pang sae at all. If you know you can't keep to it. Shut the fuck up. Don't keep me hoping. I hate disappointments.

You juz ended my day on a sour note. And I hate you for it. Whether it'll affect my mood tmr. You better pray it doesn't. Tiredness plus annoyance doesn't add up too good.

2011-08-16T22:29:00.013+08:00

was blog surfing and saw how leigh was documenting her travels when she looked back to the past. true that i may not have travelled to a lot of places. neither did i travel very far (money is a restriction. so is time.) but looking back i did travel a fair bit. some which photos i will not put here coz of some personal reasons.

i'll backtrack. starting from my most recent trip.

malacca. a yearly 'pilgrimage' for me. cheap. and a rustic feel of the place was what attracts me to it every single year without fail.

phuket. the sun. the sea. the beach. and major shopping! should be heading back in a few years' time. hoping to catch some muay thai action! =P

2nd trip alone! bintan! super enjoyable. =D

my 1st (and last!) trip with mummy! was super cold and simply freezing my toes off. but nonetheless. a good place to do major major shoe shopping! =D

my 1st team bonding in JB.

a place i will be 5 months down the road. =) cebu. leave applied. tickets booked. it's a beautiful place. =)

manila for RLP. and one of my proudest moments in mac. the team leader award. =)

tokyo disneyland. a place of wonderful memories. and no other theme parks can match up to it. =)

a great day to be at the foot of mount fuji. =)

from nagoya to mt fuji...? on the bullet train...

can't remember which part of central japan. but think it was in nagoya.

sushi chef from kyoto! =D

my first universal studio in osaka! =D

batu ferringi in penang. =) my first look at parasailing. that got me thinking 2 years down the road before i did it. =)

many many fond memories of luang prabang! mahout. water hole. sunset. sitting on a bike without helmet. first trip alone. =)

bangkok with lover. =)

batam for shopping!

1st trip to batam. won't be long before i am back! =D

my 1st disneyland. hong kong. =)

staying in the venetian in macau made line and i felt like super pampered princesses. =)

malacca. =)

1st trip to taipei! =D

hualien. love the fresh air. the cool winds. the natural beauty of it all.

kl. the aquarium! =)

genting. a place where the weather and i disagree. but i still had fun. =)

healthy living in desaru.

2nd trip overseas. bintan! =D

1st overseas trip. cameron and kl! =D

the trips i left out were my very weekly (at a period in time) trips to JB and pontian. and the trip to tioman and kukup.

... ...

sometimes i reflect back and i wonder if all that i did was right. by travelling it really was an eye opener. and the moments where i lose myself in thought in those foreign land. it really made me think hard about what i really want and what life is all about.

and so next year's 1 trip's confirmed. 1 in the midst of planning. the other half confirmed. so left 2 more to plan for and 1 RMC to look forward to.

before this year is up. i've another trip to brisbane with my sisters and i've extended 1 more day there. hopefully all goes well and i'm able to enjoy. =)

... ...

*j msged me again this morning. surprisingly. and we're meeting up on my one of my last off day of the month to go out! gosh! =) it's a sudden decision but i am still surprised that she said ok. i don't know how it'll all goes. coz come and think about it... hmmmz.

i've known her for almost 2 years no doubt. friends on fb for 11/2 years. the number of times we really meet up and talk for more than 15 mins? 3 times. hahaha. so it is really surprising that we actually decided to go out. i don't know if she'll call any of her kakis along. but yeah. =)

interesting how 'flexible' i am. or in more crude way. how bi i am. it's been sometime since i felt anything for any guy. probably coz there juz isn't any out there at this moment. hmmmz.

*digressez* actually today got a bit of fee-ling la. this guy i met at the exsa. =P especially when we were in the same discussion group and both of us and another 2 of them were very vocal. =P and then there was that role play on wine and he had to act as a customer. so he asked the facilitator to let him have a 'girlfriend' and that was me. hahaha. and then we were making things difficult for the 'manager' demanding for this and that. =P after the workshop we juz chatted a while outside the room and got to know where we each work. hmmmz. =P *digressez*

anyways. that's that la. usually after the exsa class we won't see any of each other unless we are in the same company. so yeah.

back to *j. i don't know if she's straight or not. coz looking at her and her pics very hard to tell ah. but somehow or other. she reminded me much of *her. i'd hate to fall into the same rut again. but if it happens. i won't stop it either. coz maybe something may go right this time. i'll never know.

then i thought of *d. and how of it all is for him and how much he has to hide. i mean. when the 2 of us or even with another friend is out. there's nothing to hide. that other friend is married already but doesn't mind both of us. so it feels good when you can juz let it all out and there's no one to judge you by your words or actions.

i don't know how this story will end. (most likely with a broken heart. =/) but i've learnt not to put too much hope anymore coz hoping will juz gets me disappointed faster.

time for bed. wan an. =)

=edited=

looking forward to at least 4 more events before the month ends. sat's ah pang's birthday celebration. sun's les's baby girl's full month. 1 day to meet eve. 1 day to meet *j. =D

Interesting turn of events

2011-08-15T23:53:00.001+08:00

It's been an interesting turn of events for me today. Or rather late yest till now.

Yest went out with *y for dinner and then bought my mummy her tv. =D but before *y got down from the cab he passed me the thing he bought almost 2 years back?!? Was super touched but kinda angry coz it muz have cost him a bomb and I don't like that feeling. =/ but all the same. *y. Thank you. =)

Then *b msg me while I was fixing the tv with my mummy to ask if I'm home coz he was around the area. I was like 'wtf!?!' so I never reply la. =P

Then I posted on fb that status yest night. About missing someone all of a sudden.

This morning I went for accountability session. =/ and in between I thought I saw a watsapp msg from someone. Then I told myself it can't be. Should be my TFM name that I saw. Coz it's juz a quick glance ma.

Then when after the session I checked the watsapp that it was really who it was. It really came as a shock to me that after so many months. I thought you would have stopped reading my blog. Especially after the last 'conversation' we had. But in a way I was touched too. Coz whatever was the reason that prompted you to do it. You read. And yeah. I really don't like *him. That's why I always get so defensive when you start teasing me about *him. So now you know the reason.

Then went for the CRM session at WCP. Bussed home and slept on the bus. Tired out. Was about to cross the road when *j smacked me on my arm. Out of so many friends she's the only one who will do that ba. Had a good chat with her although actually we don't really know each other. and she made me think of *her.

Damn. Would I end up like the past?? I hope nothing bad comes out of this! *crossez fingerz*

Cry

2011-08-15T17:52:00.001+08:00

有時候哭泣不是因為難過。有一些東西錯過了，就一輩子錯過了。人是會變的，守住一個不變的承諾，卻守不住一顆善變的心。
有時候執著是一種負擔，放棄是一種解脫，人沒有完美，幸福沒有一百分，知道自己沒有能力一次擁有那麼多，也沒有權力要求那麼多，否則苦了自己，也為難了對方。
一顆心屬於一個人，愛情裡什麼是公平？愛的深，傷的深，愛情裡沒有不公平。愛上不該愛的人，是永無天日的嘆息，愛了不愛你的人，是眼淚決堤的開始。
承諾是一張白紙，再厚的劇本也有了結局，我想我知道眼淚的味道，就算付出每一分，每一秒我都不曾想逃。在這個世界上沒有恆久的幸福，只有瞬間的愜意和安適。
也許無言才是最好的安慰，也許回憶是最好的結局，傻瓜也都一樣，都逃不過悲傷，因為有夢在心上，所以甘心流浪。有些緣分注定要失去，有些緣分注定不會有好結果的，愛一個人不一定要擁有他，但擁有一個人，一定要去好好愛他，不要輕言放棄，否則對不起自己。
不要因為沒有陽光，而不走進春天。不要因為沒有歌聲，而放棄自己的追求，不要因為沒有掌聲，而丟掉自己的理想，其實每一條都通往陽光的大道，都充滿坎坷。每一條通向理想的途徑，都充滿了艱辛與汗水！
很多事情的發展注定有個結束，好好享受美麗的過程，擦身而過的時候，我們應該學會遺忘，放聲的笑一回，大膽的哭一場，抬頭望一望，一片燦爛的陽光，相信時間可以改變一切！不要輕易讓自己掉眼淚。
春有春的風情，夏有夏的烈艷，秋有秋的素潔，冬有冬的雅致，人生各有各的美麗，各有各的瀟灑，你笑，全世界跟著你笑。你哭，全世界只有你一個人哭。當不能擁有時，唯一能做的就是令自己要忘記。

2011-08-12T00:28:00.006+08:00

a few random pics. a few minutes to reflect back.

went phuket with mum a few weeks back. was a great trip. in terms of shopping and lazing around. =D and not so good coz of the burns that i came back with. =/ now body and arms ok le. legs still peeling somewhat. especially since i went for the foot massage yest. =/

headed down to malacca after 1 week back at work with *y. main aim was juz to chill and walk around and let loose. i had my worries of course. but it was all unfounded fears. so yeah. even managed to catch captain america there. =) it's gonna be a yearly 'pilgrimage' for me somewhat. =)

had management meeting at KAP with the team yesterday before heading over to coro for foot massage. and coz the team has never been to the railway and yet we were so near. we went up and snapped a few pics. =)

and today was the steamboat-xiao-long-bao session with ah pang. alien and devil. and had a spontaneous round of drinks. and ah pang made my day. coz he promised to pick me up from KAP today. and he really did. i'm not sure how a promised bike ride could make me so happy. but it did. =) or maybe it's that notion of someone picking me up that i am more happy about? =/ dinner was ok. and it made me think back on those days spent in cck4 and the makan sessions we will all go. to rasa istimewa. to fajar. to pizza hut. to food court. to pastamania. to 302. to csp. i miss those times very much. suddenly. =/

'sometimes it's the things left unsaid that makes me think. sometimes when a girl asks a particular question is coz they wanna hear the answer to it. and if the girl really love the guy that much. as long as the guy says it. the girl will do anything juz to make the guy happy.'

and it made me think. was the decision made today really such a wise one? and flipping through some past documents made me think and the tears juz rolled down silently. and i realized how much i've been through and how much i've put myself through these few years. and how promises were made yet broken.

i felt the pain. the sadness when i had to let go. or when i felt i had become someone else's burden. and that's what got me thinking. is that the reason i'm staying single for now? and the reason why i've been doing things on my own. going places alone?

my mum thought when i said i went to watch the fireworks at ndp i was with my beloved and gang. so she was surprised when i was all by myself. and i told her my first country that i'll be travelling to next year. on my own again no less. this time round she was less against it. and probably coz someone will be at the other side waiting. but of course exploring around is another thing.

probably the excuse of having no time is the lamest and the one that i have come to detest much. sometimes. i think i should learn from the show meile jiayou. of what yilie says. 'be yourself. don't give in juz coz you want to please the other party.' sad but true. maybe i'm lost somewhere in between. i don't know what i should do. what i like. what i don't. maybe all along i was out there trying to please the other party. and that has taken a toll on me. it's a scary thought when i don't know who i was. or what i will really be like in a relationship. but i'll never have the chance to find out coz i know i am not ready anymore. and perhaps never will be. there's no guy in the right state of mind out there that will commit to such relationship with a girl like me. when all you all see are how capable i may be. how strong-willed and independent. yet no one sees the little girl in me. who is juz willing someone to come forth and pamper me. to take care of me. or perhaps it's another case that i'm sending out these signals to keep me away from all the hurt and pain that i may end up with again. i am selfish nowadays. that much i know.

it's the warmth and security when i lie next to you that i miss the most. the feeling of you cong-ing me. of using those stolen moments to pei me as much as you can. for not gaming or bathing until you are sure that i have fallen asleep coz you didn't want me to feel neglected or abandoned. those were the times i miss the most. coz you were the one who gave me the most of your time.

i don't know if those were really your heartfelt words. but to me. those are good enough. coz they tide me over the darkest days in my life and make me look forward to the next time that we will be meeting. and it's juz small gestures like these that made me miss you all the more. not healthy i know. but once in while i juz reminisce about the past we shared. don't mind me please. but i doubt you're reading my blog anymore.

i'll be perfectly fine after a good night's rest. it's juz that this time of the night is when i usually emo. and it's been very long since i last did that.

but to that someone out there if you are still reading my blog. thank you for all those times. i know we are on very awkward terms now. i don't mind talking to you and all. but i juz feel something is holding you back somehow. i'm sorry.

'coz every night i am talking to the moon...'

Gemini

2011-08-10T23:37:00.001+08:00

双子座

双子很容易便对一个人产生感觉。坠入情网对她们来说，是家常便饭。她们不会计较情人的内在条件，却很在意他们的外表长得怎麽样。双子恋爱了，速度会非常之快，双子的热情总是很容易投入，而且义无返顾，无怨无悔，这个时候双子的毅力真是很惊人的，如果她不放弃你，你永远跑不掉。很多时候是双子在把自己搞的伤痕累累的时候自己放弃掉了，因为她们通常都很骄傲，没有自尊的爱情双子不需要。

2011-08-09T23:47:00.006+08:00

it's how interesting how i thought back to the same period last year. of the supposed meet up which never happened.

i went back store today for the travel. and then there was the mdp/orientation session with jiahui. and i managed to catch 2 of my crew. and had a short chat with *d. then not knowing where to head to since it was too late for museum hopping. i hitched a ride with daddy and got myself to marina bay. walked around mbs. looking for food and ended up at TWG. not too bad for a first time. =)

then went out to catch a good spot for the ndp that was held across the river and thought back about the preview i attended last year at the padang and the meet up that was to happen after that.

then i thought back to the few people who came and went out of my life. *her. *him. *w.

*her. the one that i was stuck in a rut for 7 years with. it was what most would call puppy love or crush. but it wasn't the case for me. i was in too deep. and it didn't help when she felt the same in between. so on and off we dragged. here and there we went. but in the end? in all ended in silence. my regret was never knowing what was the reason. at least when you tell me. it's much easier to let go and move on. all i'm left with was a broken heart that took years to heal. and a bedtime story that i'm trying to fufill. once completed. i'll let you know the outcome.

*him. i made a lot of stupid mistakes with. seriously. i'm never felt more f***ed up in my life until i met him. seriously. things that could have been avoided or not done. i was silly enough to have done it all. only after i left him did i realize how stupid i was back then. and how leech-y he really was. i've never felt good about the whole saga. of course when i was in it. i was a happy girl (but very broke). it was only after that last letter and out of it did i realize the stupidity of it. and the consequences it had on my future relationships. it wasn't healthy. and it juz made me feel so *arrghz*. he still sms-es me once in a blue moon (which i choose not to reply). or even called me (which i refused to pick up). the few times that i did. i regretted immediately after that. but the shitty thing now is he knows where exactly i am working at. =/ i'm still staying far far away from him. =/

*w. the most recent heartache. but in a way it was a good one. no doubt i will always think back on the times we shared. but then. it was good coz he chose to sms me and that was how it all ended. and coz after a while of not meeting. it became easier to let go when i want to. no doubt when i see things or places that reminds me of the times spent. or when i was watsapp-ing my friends and accidentally saw that he had watsapp too. there's a small tug at the heartstrings. but that's about it. it's been a good 2 months since the last msg. and surprisingly? i've never thought about msging him again. coz it's been made clear and that makes it all much easier. tops: to msg only on occasions. that's about it. nothing more to hope for. nothing more to look forward to.

... ...

i'm giving myself 5 more years in the system. 5 more years to complete all my goals. coz who knows? after completing it all i may choose to leave. i don't think i can take working shift work permanently. coz ultimately. being a girl. i'd like to settle down and start a family as well.

of course for those of you who know me well enough. you guys would be re-reading that last paragraph. coz it's so not me. but rest assured this is me. =)

i've already planned my trips next year. and gonna get permission to clear the leave tmr. so if all goes well. yeah. i'll be travelling alone again. 2 big trips planned and 3 small ones in between. if money is not matter that is. that's why i'm starting to save. coz this month need to pay back my loans and debts and save for the upcoming aussie trip.

... ...

sept will be a hell month. followed by oct which is gonna be even worse. gosh. hope i can last till then! =/

Thoughts

2011-08-07T01:35:00.001+08:00

Was doing somewhat a bit of reminiscing about the past relationships I had. Not sure what prompted me to. But yeah. I'm not counting those crushes and people I've never been with. But of those who were there and took care of me at one point or another.

*g. It's been 6 years since we broke up and honestly speaking? I do visit your fb page once in a while to see your updates. Glad to see you're doing fine too. But I don't think I'll ever wanna meet you coz that'll be quite scary for me. I think. Even though we work at the same mall. =/

*y. It's been 2 years since we broke up. And even though I know the first year was hell for you. You're moving on juz fine now. We go out for the occasional supper and overseas trip. And I was touched that every year without fail you'll buy air katira for me. The one I had hoped to remember seems to be moving on juz fine without me. But you made the effort to remember. Every single year. =)

*b. It's been almost 2 years since we broke up. And yeah. It's interesting how we've been meeting up once in a while for supper and chilling. But sometimes. Somewhere. I think this all has gotta stop. Coz I think you'll be getting false hopes again. =/

*someone. It's been 8 months since we broke up. And things have been getting better. But I would be lying if I said I don't think about you at all. Once in a while I do miss the times we spent nua-ing at your place and watching those movies late into the night. Of times spent juz sitting next to each other and doing nothing. Of bubbles lifts at hdb. And the fact that coz you're the most recent. Memories of us together seems like memories from yesterday. I hope that one day both of us could put down whatever baggage we have and move on. And maybe meet up with the rest for a meal or sone chilling. =)

It's been so long since I last remembered feeling the need to have someone there for me 24/7. Before and after work.

Maybe I'm turning really independent and that probably I'll never be able to find a guy who'll accept me for who I am. Coz I think I'm becoming too strong for my own good. =/

2011-08-05T00:21:00.002+08:00

even though i've left cck4 for almost 9 months. the friendships i made there were some that kept me going through the toughest times.

it's interesting how even chili being from ck62 and yichin from cm has mixed much with us. yes. no doubt i can feel us drifting apart coz of tight schedules and what-nots. but after some time. we make it a point to really meet every month. whether to chill. or makan.

so this post goes out especially to people like ah pang. chili. shark. alien. yichin. coz these are my 'regular' hangout mates. =)

for all the fun. laughter. tears and even puke. thank you! =D

2011-07-31T22:28:00.003+08:00

july was indeed a happening month. of surprises. chillin'. good food. fun. disappointment. laughter. frustrations. all rolled into one.

there were travels from APMEA development team. from the MD and outstanding RMs of hong kong. from god-knows-who-else. coz i juz can't really remember. it's been one event after another. and yeah. it's been keeping me away from uploading my pics on fb. from blogging as well. =)

went for the olympic day run and went out for movie with sister. don. chili. and then there was phuket with mum (which i got so burned that i'm still peeling as of today. 2 weeks from then. =/) juz came back from malacca today with *y. and no. nothing happened. it was very much a i-do-what-i-want-and-you-follow kinda thing. =)

it's been very long since i was able to put down emotions that were not meant to be. and now? i am happier for it all. =) i've stopped thinking about what should have or might have been. of how i feel. of if i ever should msg you again. coz i know better now. =)

have been talking to mum. girl. sister and *d on separate occasions. and i am thankful. thankful for what have become of me and the relationships we shared.

photos will be up later in the blog. it's on fb first. coz i need to go and sleep and prepare for the south africa MD and owner/operator travel tmr!

and august is another packed month with dates after dates. looking forward to meeting gino on wed. and les's baby girl's 1 month celebration on 21st! =D this month no more drinking. and coz ah pang's going ns le. =(

anyways. on a side note. it may not meant much when you commented on my photo. but to me. i hope it means that there's a chance for the friendship?

kk. uploading almost done. so it's almost bedtime! =D tatA world! =D

Girl

2011-07-14T23:49:00.001+08:00

Girl! I'm feeling so lost all of a sudden. I heard things that were not meant to be. And although it shouldn't affect me. It did. =/ I'd rather be alone then with them coz no matter what I do it's wrong. My fault. My bad.

Will you be there for me? =/

2011-07-11T22:25:00.004+08:00

every turn i make. every corner i wanna get away from. it's filled of memories of you and me.

went out alone the whole of today. coz it is my off day! like finally! =D

so i decided to pay a visit to all the railway stations in singapore while squeezing in lunch. a swim. and wanted to buy my running shoes. but then i realized i may not have enough till monthend so i skipped the shoes-buying. =)

went down to bukit timah rifle range area for some shots of the tracks. wanted to go to the one opposite the rail mall. but the stupid me lost my way la. =/ so hopped to the rifle range one. then went back bukit panjang for a swim. lunch-ed at jack's! =D hahaha. heart heart. and while deciding to go tanjong pagar or bukit timah station. i hopped onto 75 and headed down to tanjong pagar. =) after tanjong pagar. headed up back to bukit timah station. =) and then it was back home for the day.

along the way from tanjong pagar to bukit timah. the route passed by so many places that held memories close to me. no doubt i know i am moving on le. but in a way. those memories are still beautiful to me. so yeah. thanks for those memories!

okie!

now let's see. tmr till fri i'm working morning shift straight. sianz. =/ the only bright spot is that most likely tmr i'll be meeting kelvin kor kor for dinner! =D and then i have to tahan all the way until sat when i'm going out with my beanies for their incentive trip! and then sun is gonna be waaayy fun coz i'll be going out with ah pang. *y. xiao george. alien. shark. chili! harry potter. italian dinner. and drinks drinks! =D hahaha. then mon will be leaving for phuket with mum le! =D all the way till thurs! =D fri i shall rest at home i think. =)

and then there's another trip planned for monthend. supposed to be going alone but i guess since i'm getting a superior room might as well not waste it. so yeah. i'm going with *y. =) and you all don't think too much! there's nothing going on. we're juz very good friends who loves a good gossip now and then! =D

till the next time! tatA! =D

Itch

2011-07-08T21:16:00.001+08:00

The itch is still ongoing. But not as bad as the first few days. Still on that medication that's making me super drowsy. So I decided to sleep before doing my PDS tmr morning. =/

Went with *y to see HFC's cafe and songs of the sea yest night. =)

Had a good but not good enough chat with *d also. =) sometimes he really made me thunk back of the past. Of what could have been. Might have been. And that I may not be who I am today if not for *her. Hmmmz. =/

Dengue

2011-07-04T23:11:00.001+08:00

When I saw that post about you getting dengue. The first thought that came to my mind was to go and visit you. Like how I used to do. But I know that's not possible anymore. So juz a simple wish that you'll take care and stop saying that you are strong and all. We all know you are. But it doesn't hurt to get a little sympathy does it?

Please take care of yourself. I know I have no right to care or think about you anymore. And most of the time I don't. But today? I juz can't help it. =/

There's been this itch on my body that's been going on for days. Not rashes. Not bites. Juz itch. And I how I wish I could sanitize my whole body like right now. =/ and worse. It itches where my clothes will cover. Not on the exposed surfaces. =/

Went out with alien and shark yest night for food and drinks. And then walked home through the other route. And the memories it brought back.

As I said before. This is my blog and I can tag anyone I want. If you're unhappy about it. Juz click that small cross in the top right hand corner.

I am over you. But that doesn't mean I can't reminiscence the past we shared. It's been a wonderful year or so. And I thank you for all those memories. And guess what? Moving on wasn't as painful as I thought. Coz if you had told me sooner. My heart would have healed and moved on faster.

I miss talking to my sister and mum and *d. =(

2011-07-03T15:55:00.003+08:00

went for the great eastern 10km run this morning with adora. mei chun. mickey. ginger. irene and siew kee! =D hahaha. my virgin run! =D ok la. rather i ran 4km non-stop and walked the rest of the 6km. blearghz. =P in 11/2 hour. =D so next time i can do better! =D

but it somehow got me thinking about the yellow ribbon and standard chartered le. hee! yellow ribbon would be like 6km. standard chartered. hmmmz. that one need more time to think ah. =P

and i met shujun at the finishing line! =D

and another pic! this time after the run! =D

managed to catch quite a number of movies too. like pirates. =D

mr popper's penguins with sister and don. =D

transformers with my team! =D but we were stuck in a jam and missed the opening few mins. and we were sitting by the side. maybe i'll go catch it again tmr? =P

and i caught this yest coz i juz felt like catching it. monte carlo. =) and yes. this was not too bad! a feel good kinda movie. =)

a bit too sleepy to continue le la. probably shall nap a while before meeting alien and shark! =D

Quarrel

2011-06-24T00:10:00.001+08:00

There's no point shouting over spilt milk. No point yelling over things not done. What you'll only earn is disrespect. Everyone needs a different approach to things coz that's what made us different! Yes. It's tough to adapt to so many different people and age groups but once you're able to do it. It means you are truly a great leader.

A great leader teaches the new. Coaches the unfamiliar. Develops the potential. Guides the lost. And leads by example.

If you think it's tough juz being a leader in your own right. Why doesn't anybody spare a thought for me? I have so many different groups of people to look after and listen to. So does that mean I have the right to blow my top juz coz you don't understand my point? If you think you are right. So be it. I give up already. Why should I put in so much effort and passion into a place that you being the leader doesn't even see the point?

If scolding gets work done. Gets you somewhere. Go ahead. Crew and beanies will juz turnover. You think it's easy to hire? It freaking not. It's easy to train? Hell no!

So wake up your ideas! Things don't get done through fear or anger. Instead it's the firmness and understanding that gets things moving.

Think about it.

... ...

On a side note. I managed to talk to *d a while juz now. He's having his own problems too. Hmmmz. I wish I could help. But I can't. Only advise. =/

2011-06-21T22:20:00.006+08:00

interesting how a day can turn out.

what started out as a smooth day with learnings in between. a run along the canal. some exercises at the fitness corner. a walk through the new flats and a climb down the 16 flight of stairs. (next target: to run up 16 stories of stairs.) and went for dinner with my mummy at fajar and then back home to reply emails and do some work. it all got interrupted by a flurry of sms from my new tfm and asst. juz coz of something which i think it's insignificant and a consequence from someone else.

what is read off my blog will stay within these invisible walls of my blog. no sharing with others please.

probably i guess my 1st asst has much to work on. especially shift management. coz i've been hearing quite a number of feedbacks from all managers as to how she hands over shifts. how she runs shifts. and i seem to think that if 1 manager tells me that. it's probably not believable. but when like my whole team tells me that. something muz be quite wrong somewhere. i'm not sure what though. needs to take some observations ba. or probably coz the rest of the team knows what i want and my expectations already and she's juz new to the store ba.

and then there's the division between the 2 assts in my store. they like so afraid to talk to each other. sighz. what's the world coming to man.

... ...

anyways. went out with *y yest night to wcp. very impromptu coz he was feeling down and out with work and his family problems.

and so we juz sat there and chatted and reminisce about the past. =)

... ...

sometimes i wish life was simpler. and probably like back in the past when there was someone there for me at the end of each day. probably the stupid me still think back of the happier times i spent with *someone and *y.

ah well. =) time to continue moving on!

let's see... this month is ending. july is coming. and people have dated me and i've dated people. and i am so gonna enjoy enjoy enjoy!!! =D

3: great eastern 10km with mei chun. adora. siew kee. ginger. and god-knows-who. =)

16: sister's new look celebration! =D

17: italian food with drinking session after that with george. ah pang. shark. alien! =D

and another 4 days to go phuket with mum! hee! =D

i am sooo gonna look forward to the end of this month and start of next!

but first! to teach all my managers to behave! =D good nightz world! need to wake up early for breakfast tmr before my meeting. tatA! =D

2011-06-19T23:43:00.004+08:00

hahaha. don't know why but i super heart this photo. probably coz all along i wanted a tattoo and this is the closest i can get to it ba. =P

anyways. been out celebrating shark's birthday over the weekends with ifly's GO. pmal GO. good food. good food. and good food. =D happy birthday again shark! =D

... ...

and i wonder why am i who i am today? who was the one who shaped to be me now? i missed an event over the weekend and then i found someone who went and we started talking about it.

it was initially tiring when you can't say things out. when all your feelings had to be hidden and bottled up like ships in the bottles. but after a while when you got used to it. when you think that you've moved on. when you think that you've changed. it juz take a little thought to change the whole outlook to life.

that what if you've never moved on. what if those you used to think you'd liked were actually not really there?

it's true how sensitive i am to others. and of things i guessed but refuse to say. and of how i may have lied to myself all these times. hmmmz.

and shark! i really don't like your smell today! made me think of *someone whole day long! hrmphz. =X

it's interesting how that 'bedtime' story we made up have stuck with me all through these years. consciously or subconsciously. that's still the reason why i wanna go new york. maybe juz maybe. under the christmas tree at rockfeller centre we may really meet...

Pink dot

2011-06-19T13:36:00.001+08:00

Perhaps somehow somewhere I am still that girl I was 10 years back. *d. Thanks for letting me realize that. True that no matter what happens it'll never be a 180 degree change and sitting on the fence is as far as I can go.

Perhaps all along I haven't forgot about *her yet?

I hope this new found friendship with *d stays on for life. =)

2011-06-15T23:19:00.003+08:00

was going to post up the pics of my escapades for the last few weeks. but i think juz uploading on fb is killing me le. hahaha. coz i was sending emails and reading emails at the same time. hahaha. while playing RC. oops! =P

anyways the past weeks have been good. probably coz store's settling down well. so i feel less stress le. more stability means more chances of going overseas! =D hahaha.

and for those of you who are getting worried and thinking something is seriously wrong with me coz how can i be this happy after that particular post on fb? i can be. coz i am. =) fortunately i should say that by saying everything out it's easier to put down. rather than not knowing anything. so yeah. i really am fine. i haven't been able to breathe so easy since don't know when. and probably that's why i'm more crazy when i'm out with my friends. =D

crazy karin and i went BSP that day. hahaha. it was more like a hike there lo! was telling adora juz now. =P and people were there to exercise while we were there to eat mac. hahaha. and rotted away and raking our brains for people and where they are now. =)

went out with alien. shark. chili and angel too for minds cafe. and a lot of rounds of food. was a good good day. =D

today had bonding session too. finally a time when i feel that we are less pmo-ish and more zone-ish. =)

gonna gear up for a few more events. meeting shark and alien this sat with mum most likely coz of IFLY's GO. and good food!!! and then sun for PMAL's GO which i am the overall i/c. hmmmz. i hope i do ok! =) after all the support the zone has given me during my store's opening. this's the least i can do in return. and more mdp sessions with my mgrs. and then there's the 10km run. i told adora we can walk together that day le. hahaha. coz she is not a runner either. only a cyclist or swimmer. hahaha. =P

yepz yepz. sleepy le. coz slept late yest after all the crazy fun. and woke up early today to meet don for breakfast. =D and don and i were like nodding off during R2D2 lo. hahaha. oops!

okok. gonna sleep in a while!

2011-06-14T00:35:00.002+08:00

我应该真的放弃了。傻了那么久，笨也笨了那么久。

奇怪的是，他既然那么说了，我却没感觉。当然一开始有一种莫名的悲痛，但哭了一阵，睡了一觉，那些感觉也跟着消失了。可能不知不觉中我已经把他的好给遗忘了。都过了那么久，我想念他的好，但也把那些好抛到脑后了。

girl 所说的，狠一点，长痛不如短痛，就彻底把那些回忆全洗掉。

girl. thanks for yest night. you made me prove to my self things that i never thought possible. and surprisingly the route i took back every night that got me thinking? today there was juz a void there. no more feelings for anyone. no more waiting. juz a relieved that once said out. everything seems better and easier to move on.

*y. 谢谢你一直默默地陪在我身边，谢谢你昨晚的那一通电话，谢谢你让我有了那么多美好的回忆。谢谢你不计较我的错，我的过失，我的一切。每当我快垮的时候，谢谢你一直守护着我，听我唠叨，看着我哭。

i know that all along you know where my heart and soul really was. thank you for not forcing me to make any decisions and letting me go juz like that. thank you for being there 24/7 for me. thank you for staying as my friend all this time.

但我真的累了，我不想再谈恋爱，不想再受伤。

everytime there will be someone who promised not to hurt you. to take care of you. to wanna protect you from harm. it's all bullshit. after so many who promised to. *y is the only one who really kept to it. the rest? never. some time or another. they break that promise and pretend nothing of that sort happens.

but i guess what someone told me once. 'the bell curve can only get better.' mine will never be a bell curve anymore. but a curve that keeps on going up. =)

Heartbreak

2011-06-12T23:38:00.001+08:00

Girl. Thanks for being there! Much much appreciated! Especially when we're gonna meet under the orange lollipop tree in a while! =D yes I will be good and go sleep now. I need my energy to focus on more worthy things! =D

*her. Now I know why you chose that route back then. Coz now given the choice. I will too. It takes time but it's do-able! =) slowly. A step at a time. It's been 5 years since our last contact. 3 years since I last shed a tear over you. =)

Girl. I'm coming to bed le! Don't hustle me! =D muackz!

=edited=

Oooh yeah. Was juz talking to girl and how I hope I can finish the 10 km great eastern run in under 1.5 hours! Or better still! Can I swim throughout the 10 km? Sure can finish faster de. =P ah well. Good luck to me! Time to continue my training tmr! =D

birthday

2011-06-04T23:59:00.005+08:00

a simple birth date. but many to thank. =)

steven. terry. *b. mum. mummy monster. kaijing. mummy. angel. twinie. wan. sherill. margarate. shasha. mei. levi. rina. min. ailing. ailing's daughter. kelly. adilla. *y. nan jong. *someone. yumi. weitian. daphne. xiao qiang. amelia. harvy. mei chun. ginger. eva. raymond. nafisah. michael. partner. teck whye kor kor. jessica. leigh. gab. tom. yaya. chee wei. girl. niyuki. ah pang. jiahui. chili. huising. annie. weixiong. fadhil. jack. wen how. ling ling. chandra. alien. shark. chantel. richard. kelly. dave. eve. michelle. yani. nick. michael. jem. daddy. stella. dusty. azela. ray. kok seng. dom. audrey. philip. jinyu. yette. yong choo. don. mummy. jay. jac jac. liana. henry. uncle. bonus. raja. kelvin kor kor. halif. guan hong. pill. karin. amy. kate. sze hua. grace. cooking partner. beloved. dzul. shifu. marc. fagan. peachie. cl. mentor. ben. mei fang. sakira. chris. anna. mas. emma. florence. din. aziz. nura. mira. sinyee. poh chuan. dawn. kaiting. ning ning. yanti. kaihui. shima. jessie. lover. dina. lover. siew fong. karen. michelle. clara. dan. dewi. xianda. les. fiona. nick. anna's daughter. jeff. dinesh. nel. lay lee. angela. joshua. marwarni. lianna. jack. shiming. michelle. peifen. jovi. fely. jiamin. ann. qi. hui shan. mikkiko. mei fang's bf. musa. chew chi. fadyla. yani. henrik. jas. jenna. da ge. reaus. wilson. din. yvonne. john. avril. bf. ken. boon. loreann. ken. cheese. narvy. rin. siew choo. khairul. adora. bernard. joy. doods. candy. algin. lao da. felicia. wing. rio. ailing. sarah. michelle. stew. allan. arynna. jie. mirza. ugun. supriy. shujun. aqing. line. jessie. imran. rolly. couzin. gino.

thanks for all the wishes again! =D

2011-06-02T20:16:00.002+08:00

a new month. a new beginning.

have finally planned a solo trip out of town. payment made. now waiting for the date to come. =) 1 more trip paid for next month. bought a massage package for this month. and gonna try 2 more food places with the fellows this month too. was gonna try another 2. but ah well. =X am gonna meet couzin again! and he was the one who texted me first. =D and gonna meet the fellows separately for meals too! wanna watch movies also! waiting for my friend to tell me the review. and bro is back! =D bought a book i was waiting for. settled my monthend action plans and stuff quite fast. now left pnl and accountability. =D gonna meet some fellows for board games and more crap soon! =D and then there's the 2 GOs i'm looking forward to. and a ton of movies and dramas waiting for me to watch at home too! =D and coz it's the first time after so many years that i am off on my birthday! =D hee hee hee! =D

things are definitely looking up this month! =D

my wishes this year? hmmmz. to make that $1 SOI for may and that it will be a continuous trend (upwards that is!) to continue to be able to meet my fellows and friends for food and laughter. =D for money to drop from the sky so i can save for south africa. =D and to meet *w one last time perhaps? (although this is the toughest. ah well.)

alrighty. time to head off to bed for a while before meeting alien for dinner later. tatA! =D

Alone

2011-05-31T21:56:00.001+08:00

I really hate traveling down this road at this time of the night coz it juz brings back the memories of the past. What used to be sweet has all grown bitter now.

你是我选择独来独往的理由.

2011-05-31T14:27:00.008+08:00

funnily. ah pang only asked if i was free on the date. and not telling me where we're going. and i blindly agreed and followed lo. hahaha.

and so we ended up at sarong at millenia walk coz he had some good deals and wanted to share. =) hahaha. it was an indonesian cuisine place and wasn't too bad. and this first pic showed how engrossed i was in the menu and by the time i wanted to take a pic of the cracker basket it was only left with this.

angel and her orange juice.

les and her 7 up. muz take care of baby so no alcohol for her. =)

see! ah pang's usual erdinger and my 1/2 pint heineken. =)

group pic! =D

tahu goreng iis. there were stuffings inside the tahu la. =)

the beef nasi tempung.

redang burger.

the 2 feet sate for sharing... =) assortment of beef satay. chicken satay. prawns. lady's fingers. corn. mushroom.

my 2nd 1/2 pint! =)

avocado shake with some coffee syrup on it... eh. not my cup of dessert la.

chendol! which i like coz it wasn't too sweet. and the red beans were so big so there was no chance i could suck it up through the straw! =D

and then we decided to go to holland v for some pasta at wala wala. but the live band at overtime attracted and in we went instead. =)

angel's cosmo... =)

live band! =D

and ah pang and i decided to go for another round of drinks. =) ah pang for 1 pint. me for 1/2. this time round the beer was much lighter lo. hahaha.

the ham sandwiches... interestingly the bread was toasted lo. =)

ah pang and his never ending strand of carrot.

the grilled chicken chop.

and angel's seafood salad that came last. =)

a very enjoyable evening with good food and music and company! =D

and then i went home and saw another good deal. and asked ah pang's opinion. 'let our tastebud do the talking.' hahaha. so this time i bought the deal. and we'll be going next month! =P

... ...

actually wasn't in the mood to post up the pics. coz i woke up this morning with the pain back. i was breaking out in cold sweat literally and soaked to the skin. i couldn't even muster the strength to walk out of my room to get the medicine. and had to use my phone to call my house phone to ask my mum to take the medicine for me. and after taking the medicine. it all seemed better.

still a tad strength-less. my hands are still shaky. i still feel like the world is blacking out on me. or probably i'm low on sugar hence this effect. but whatever it is. thank you to paracetamol for saving me juz. sighz.

2011-05-31T02:01:00.005+08:00

pictures of my food rendezvous will be up later coz the 3 half pints are making me sleepy. especially when i juz finished sending all the emails out. =D but nonetheless it's been a great food session. got to try something new and found a new chillout place!!! =D hahaha. that was what made my day!

anyways. on a side note.

feeling super duper pampered by people around me. (although yes i was made at my mum for eating ALL my hard-bought cow's tales without telling me!) but at least i could get my good food. and travelling. here i come! ha! =P

sometimes it's not about where i am going. what i am eating. but the company that i am with. and things do happen for a reason. like why am i getting more independent and don't mind going places alone now. perhaps getting closer to the quarter of a century mark makes me think more. makes me wanna pamper myself more. and sometimes. so what if i earn quite a bit? when it's the time to spend and reward myself i should do it.

... ...

i was thinking that i was strong enough to revisit all the msgs *someone ever sent me. that i was able to scroll through them without emotions. but i guess i was wrong. initially it made me happy to read through all those happy msgs and how you were always there when i needed someone. and then it got more emo. more negative. and the tear juz rolled down unconsciously. i guess i ain't strong enough yet. i wish the day would come when i could look back on all these msgs and smile coz you were once part of my life. and not a single tear would fall.

then i thought about *w. and how he seemed to have disappeared off the face of this earth for the past almost 1 month. sighz. it's always like this.

and i saw *y's post on fb. and somehow if i'm not wrong the one he was referring to was me. and then after i read i commented. and he actually text me at 4am in the morning and we were on the phone for like 15 mins coz i was working opening. i wish i could be there like how i used to be. but we are no longer the same 2 person. things have changed. status have changed too. i can only be a friend to you. as much as sometimes i wish we could be like in the past. i know we can't. too much have happened. being friends are the closest we can ever be.

... ...

no more wishes. coz i think what i've wanted i've gotten. what i've not got. it's all too intangible. to all of you guys whom i'm still in contact with and meeting every now and then. thank you. being there is good enough for me. *heartz*

~*xIu*~

Consequences

Crisis

Drinking

爱

Time flies

轰轰烈烈

Happy Valentine's Day

Sacrifice

Promotions

Valentine's day

Caught off guard

Missing you

Childish

Reality

The arts

You again

Let go

God!

Slacking

Fuck buddy

Airport

*her

犯贱

Breakups

Selfish

Cough cough cough

Happy new year

NYE

Tired

Psyching

SCDF

Burnt

Show

Digging up the past

Platonic

Breathe

Worth it?

Bikes

如果

Al azhar

Thoughts

Crush

Random-ness

Peeves

Interesting turn of events

Cry

Gemini

Thoughts

Girl

Itch

Dengue

Quarrel

Pink dot

Heartbreak

birthday

Alone

~xIu~